Page 83 of Cruel Dreams

The view will always leave me breathless, King’s Crossing stretching brilliantly for miles, the Renegade a dark ribbon that disappears into the horizon. Fall swept over us, and the cool wind whistles as it blows, creating ripples in the pool. The days are shorter, and the stars are still bright in a sky fending off the sun’s rise.

I would have missed the whimper if Zane hadn’t heard it first, but then I see Zarah curled into a ball on the chaise lounge where Zane and I sat one afternoon. It’s tucked under an awning, and she’s hiding in the shadows.

He starts forward, but I stop him. “Can I talk to her? I feel like this is my fault. I promised I would be around to help her adjust, and I haven’t.”

Brushing his hand over the back of my head, he says, “You’re not to blame. You’ve had a lot of news dumped on you in the past few days.”

“I know, and I haven’t told Zarah any of it.”

“Okay, but I’m not going downstairs until you two are ready to go home.”

I pause when he says that. Home. Is that the penthouse? My apartment? Or like the saying goes, “Home is where the heart is?” That’s with Zane, but I need a physical place I belong, too. Somewhere the people I love, and who love me, are waiting for me. That hasn’t been my apartment, and that hasn’t been Zane’s penthouse. That hasn’t been the Crowne, either, and once again, I feel like I’m looking for something that doesn’t exist.

He rests his warm palm on the nape of my neck. “Hey, I know what’s going on in that head of yours, and we’ll figure it out, okay?” His brown eyes search mine, and I step into his arms. I have to trust him.

“Okay.” He rubs my back, and I want to stay in his embrace forever, but another of Zarah’s whimpers carries to us, and I lean away.

The pool’s lights shimmer, giving me enough light I don’t trip over the patio furniture.

Zarah’s lying on her side on the chaise lounge, her knees brought up to her chest. She’s dressed in yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I sit next to her and lay my hand on her thigh. “Hey, sweetie, we’ve been looking for you. A lot of people are worried.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I don’t mean to cause trouble.”

“You’re not trouble, but running off in the middle of the night isn’t a good idea, you know?”

She meets my eyes, and hers are deep pits of misery. “I miss him. Max. He was so patient. Anything I didn’t understand hetalked me through. He liked being with me, even though my brain still isn’t working right.”

“I know. We miss him, too. Everyone’s gone and things aren’t the same, but Zane and I, and Ingrid and Lucille, even Douglas, and Dr. Reagan, we’re all going to help you. Ash had you locked up for a long time, and I know exactly how you feel. Remember, Ash had me locked up too. Our lives were very small, and right now things can seem so much bigger than what they are. But you have people who love you...please remember you aren’t fighting alone.”

“I have nightmares about him,” Zarah says, and I let out a sigh because I do, too. I dream about Ash killing Zane or escaping prison and hunting me down, wanting revenge.

“Me, too, but he’s in prison. He’s never going to hurt anyone ever again. Zane will make sure.”

“Where have you been? I missed you.”

I lie next to her, and she curls into me like I have so many times with Quinn. “Hiding at my apartment. I needed a few days to think about things, but Zane and I talked tonight. He said hiding won’t solve anything, and it’s the same for you. You can’t run away. It only causes more problems than it solves. Lucille is really worried about you, and Ingrid feels terrible.”

“Are you mad at me?” she whispers.

“No. Why would you think that?”

“Because you left and didn’t tell me goodbye.”

I brush my fingers through her hair. “I’m sorry. I’m here now and I won’t do it again.”

“Where’s Quinn?” she asks, her voice small.

“She went to New York, and she’s working at The Row. Have you heard of them?”

“Yes. They have beautiful clothes.” She pauses. “She didn’t want to stay here.”

“She likes New York. It was hard for her to choose.”

“And for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Zane found your mom and dad. I heard him talking to Special Agent Banks about it. You’re going to Florida to meet them.”

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