Page 93 of Cruel Dreams

Zarah lowers her book. “Are you sure?”

“They aren’t coming back, Z. We were hoping they were still alive, but we know what really happened now, and they aren’t. We don’t have to donate anything or throw anything away, but we should clear it out and box up what we don’t want and put it into storage.”

“Okay.”

I hope the task isn’t too much for her, but I find it’s therapeutic for both of us. We sit and remember the good times, flipping through photo albums Mom made when we were little.

There’s one of Ash holding Zarah as an infant, and I blink. The story he told of him holding her really happened. Zarah pulls the picture out of the plastic sleeve and rips it into tiny pieces, a hard glint in her eyes. Though there are tears on her cheeks, she lifts her chin. “Good riddance.”

I feel the same flipping through scrapbooks Mom put together for Dad of him and Clayton. One year they tied for King’s Crossing’s Most Influential Man of the Year. They’re shaking hands and holding a gold plaque between them. It would be just like my dad to surrender the shared award since I’ve never seen it displayed in our penthouse.

Zarah and I move on to our parents’ clothes.

I don’t want to wear my dad’s suits. I have enough of my own and it would be too melancholy and macabre besides. I fold them all and pack them into boxes. I’ll donate them to a men’s shelter. They can use the clothing more than me.

Our mother was taller than Zarah by an inch or two and she packs away almost everything. She keeps a few choice items saying she’ll have them altered. All of Mom’s evening gowns Zarah leaves alone. Ball gowns don’t age, and she says Stella will want them. “Stella shares Mom’s fashion sense. She’ll need them hemmed, but that’s okay.” She brushes her hand down a sequined gold dress that would look lovely on Stella.

We need more than a week to look through everything. I give Douglas a few pieces of my dad’s jewelry and send a pair of cuff links to Richard Denton and Larry Cramer. Zarah keeps all of our mother’s jewelry for herself, Stella, and she says, smiling faintly, our children. I like the sentiment.

After we’re finished, the suite is clean and bare. But it doesn’tfeelempty, not like it used to, and maybe Kagan’s and Lark’s spirits have finally been laid to rest.

“Will you and Stella move in here?” Zarah asks as we stand in the doorway about to leave.

I lean against the doorjamb. “I don’t know. She didn’t like it here.” I never wanted to believe it was true until the words left my mouth. “If I want Stella in my life, I’m going to have to change some things.”

“Like what?” she asks, alarmed.

Fear shoots through my sister’s eyes. She’s endured enough upheaval to last a lifetime, but I can’t hide her from it. I’d be no better than Ash, locking her up and throwing the key into the Renegade.

“Maybe we don’t live here anymore. Maybe we buy a house. A large one that has a yard. Trees. She was never city like we are. Were. Are.” I fumble. I don’t know what I am. Well, that’s not completely true. I know what I’m not. I’m nothing without Stella.

“Could you be happy mowing grass?” Zarah smiles. She’s teasing me, and it lightens my heart. She’s going to get better. I know she will.

“I think I would. I think I could like anything as long as Stella and I are together.”

Her smile fades. “Can I live with you?”

I mimic Nigel Wagner’s thick British accent. “Kid, I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.”

She laughs, knowing exactly who I’m copying. “Won’t Stella mind?”

“Zarah, you know her just as well as me, maybe better. Doyouthink she’ll mind?”

She frowns, chewing on the inside of her cheek. Finally, her expression clears. “No. She won’t mind.” Suddenly, she bolts downstairs. “Come on! Let’s let Lucille help. She’s coming, too, right?”

I follow at a more leisurely pace, and by the time I reach the kitchen, Zarah and Lucille are already searching for propertieson Lucille’s laptop. I help myself to coffee and peer over their shoulders.

You’re right, Z, I think as they peruse huge houses sitting on acres and acres of land. Zarah, unable to contain her delight, exclaims over each one.We’re not going to leave anyone behind.

Sitting at my desk in my office, I wonder how much longer I can keep this up.

Zarah, in all her excitement, found a few properties that piqued my interest. One that looked especially promising already had two cottages on the property. I’m thinking, of course, if Douglas and Lucille move out of the city, the cozy cottages would be perfect to keep them close, but far enough away everyone would still have their privacy.

I’d have a bit of a commute, providing I don’t wash my hands of the entire thing. When I brought it up to Stella, I was at a point where I’d do anything, say anything, to keep her, but since the Blacks’ empire has fallen, the work I do feels more important than ever before. I don’t want to let my father’s legacy go, and I’m hoping Stella will understand.

The phone sitting on my desk rings, and my heartbeat quickens. It always does when I think it’s Stella, but she wouldn’t call my office phone. She calls my cell, usually texting first to ask if I’m too busy to talk. I never,ever,am.

It’s work then.

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