Page 84 of Cruel Dreams

“I don’t know if that’s what I want to do.” Even her mentioning it slicks my skin with sweat.

Zarah sits up, her eyes wide. “You have to! You have a chance to meet your mom and dad! Why would you throw that away?”

I sit up too and say, “Because I’m scared.”

“Being scared is okay as long as you don’t let it run your life. That’s what my doctor says. I’m scared of Ash and what I’m going to do without Max. He said we would explore the world together, and that’s gone.” Tears dribble down her cheeks.

I tap her nose, and she gives me a weak and watery smile. “Zarah, you didn’t know what you wanted to do when I met you. Remember payroll? You aren’t so very far from where you were back then. Ash robbed you of so much time, and Max wouldn’t want you to miss out on even more because he’s gone. He’d want you to enjoy life, experience the world, do the things you and he wanted to do. Max’s attorney called Zane. Max had an older brother and he’ll be picking up his things. Maybe you can talk to him a little bit, share some memories. He lives in King’s Crossing, and maybe, if you want, you can go to Max’s funeral. Say a proper goodbye.”

“I’ll think about it. I don’t know if I can handle something like that.”

“Zane can go with you. He took Max’s death pretty hard, too. And I’ll go, if I’m here.”

“Will you come back to the penthouse with us?”

“Yeah, I will. Zarah, Zane wants to marry me.”

She taps my nose, and I laugh. “He did when he met you. You aren’t so very far from where you were, either.”

With a start, I realize she’s right. Things only have to change as much as I let them change.

She grabs my hand, and in the pale light of the early morning, she studies the ring Zane pushed onto my finger when he proposed. “He gave you this ring before, didn’t he?”

“Yeah,” I say, my heart sinking. I hate what Ash did to her. “When Ash took me, he took the ring, too, and Zane found it. Come on, everyone is waiting for us.”

I stand, and grasping her hands, gently tug her to her bare feet. She left the penthouse without shoes.

“When are you going to meet your parents?”

The idea churns my stomach. “I don’t know.”

“Soon,” she urges.

“Why soon?” Why can’t I wait a little bit? Why can’t I let the idea sit with me a while? Why can’t I hide from it for a few weeks longer?

“Because the sooner you leave, the sooner you’ll come back. Then you’ll marry Zane, and we’ll be sisters.”

I like the sound of that.

Zane turns from the view and watches us walk arm in arm across the rooftop. “The two most beautiful women in King’s Crossing. Are you two ladies ready to go home?”

Zarah giggles. “Yes, we’re ready.” She sobers. “I’m sorry you were worried.”

He hugs her and kisses the top of her head. “I’ll always worry about you, Z.”

Surprisingly, Iamready. If Zarah has the courage to face whatever’s coming next, then so do I.

Zarah sits in the front seat on the way back, and Zane keeps glancing at me in the rearview mirror. Though that day feels far away, it will be nice when he won’t worry about what I’m thinking or what I’m feeling.

While Zarah and I talked, Zane called Lucille, and everyone is waiting in the living room. Lucille, Ingrid, and Douglas are careful not to show Zarah they were upset, only happy she’s home where she belongs. We have decaf coffee and homemade scones in the kitchen, but as the sun comes up, we’re practically sleeping on our feet, and we all go to bed.

I tuck Zarah in myself.

“Will you be here when I wake up?” she asks, snuggling into her pillow.

“Yes. Zane said Banks hasn’t told my parents yet, and they don’t know what happened to me. He might need a few days to set up a meeting with them. When I fly out, I’ll definitely let you know.” I mention the airplane, and she blanches. I kick myself for being so insensitive.

“I want see you as much as I can before you go,” she says, her eyes drifting shut.

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