Page 76 of Cruel Dreams

“You were already mad. He didn’t want you to think he was trying to buy you.”

I blow out a breath. “Do you need anything?”

Zane probably gave me more money than I will ever need in this lifetime, and the black credit card that has the gold flecks embedded into the plastic makes me dizzy. I could buy a car, buy a house, move anywhere I want and start over. I wouldn’t have to work, just like he promised. I could hide, and no one would hear from me again.

I could live alone. And be lonely. Peace doesn’t come without a price.

“No. After I read about your parents, I called him. I’m going to New York, and my flight leaves tomorrow morning. Zane has everything arranged.”

My heart drops to the floor. “Quinn . . . that’s so fast.”

“I know, but it’s the right thing to do. If Zane wouldn’t have found your parents, maybe I would have stayed here, been a shackle attached to your ankle. You have so much going for you. You have to be brave, Stella, and live your life. Isn’t that what we used to say to each other? Be brave. I’ll always be part of your life, but it’s time tolivethat life.”

“You’re going to go to school?”

“Yeah. Zane’s giving me a once in a lifetime chance. I can’t blow it.”

She’s still sitting on the floor, and I settle on the linoleum too and rest my head on her shoulder. “You’ll be so great.”

“I know.”

I laugh, though my heart isn’t a hundred percent in it.

“Go back to sleep, Stella. You’ve got a busy life ahead of you.”

“Come with me? For old times’ sake?”

She kisses my cheek. “I wouldn’t miss it.”

It’s a comfort, sleeping next to Quinn, holding her hand like we did when we were kids, trying to get through a bad night in a bad foster home however we could, but it’s painful, too. In the morning, she’ll be gone, and I won’t have her to lean on anymore.

I go to the airport with her, and the number of people streaming around us stresses me out. I’m tense, but we have coffee and poke around the shops. I can’t go through security, and we wait until the last possible moment to say goodbye.

Tears blurring my vision, I watch her go. She clears the metal detector and gathers her bag and shoes, and she turns and waves. She looks excited, and I’m thankful she can finally do something she wants. Fashion school seemed so out of reach, and even though I’m confused about what I want to do with my own life, I’m happy she’s found her way.

I step out of the airport, fighting off a lonely and desolate feeling. The sun is shining and the air is crisp holding the cool promise of an early winter, but it doesn’t brighten my mood. Out of habit, I think to go to the Crowne, but no one is there and it adds to the heart-crushing feeling that I have no one.

Denton moved out, either into his penthouse he has access to again or the tiny apartment he brought me to, he didn’t say, and he kept Max’s cat. Zane said he would pack up Max’s belongings. I could do that, but I’ve already said my goodbyes and folding his clothes and gathering his things would hurt too much.

Banks is in DC working on the case. Our local police department wasn’t the only law enforcement agency shaken up by Clayton’s and Ash’s arrests. The director of the FBI resigned the minute Clayton’s arrest was made public. The Federal Bureau of Investigations is under investigation as well, and more agents than only the director will go down for covering up Clayton Black’s crimes.

I use the transportation app on my phone and order a car to bring me back to my apartment. My fingers shake as I punch in the address, but I force myself to wait on the curb and try to smile so I don’t look like a woman on the edge of a panic attack, which I am. I carefully match the license plate of the vehicle the app says will pick me up to the Jeep that eases to the sidewalk and stops. I hate doing this kind of thing alone, but unless I want to let myself turn into a recluse, I’m going to need to get used to it.

Saying goodbye to Quinn and finding my way to the apartment alone uses every ounce of mental energy I have, and when I’m safe in my familiar living room again, the scent of our morning coffee still lingering in the air, I push the door closed and sink to the floor, spent.

How am I going to go to Florida by myself? Meet strangers who are supposedly my family? If even the thought terrifies me, how will I go through with it?

Quinn says this is my journey, but I don’t want it to be only my journey. I want to share it with someone. I’ve been alone my whole damned life, and I’m tired of it.

I undress and crawl into bed, dragging a pillow over my head. I’m hiding, and I know it’s childish, but there’s only so much I can tolerate and I’ve reached my limit.

During the following five days, all I do is sleep, watch movies, and eat ice cream. Quinn calls to tell me she made it to New York and that Zane bought her a pretty apartment that’s furnished with everything she needs. She missed the beginning of fall semester and can’t start classes—she’s registered for spring—but she’s already landed an internship at Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s label The Row, and she’ll be working on women’s wear in the Garment District. Most of what she says goes right over my head because what I know of fashion or where it’s made can fit into a size five shoe, but Quinn won’t squander the opportunities Zane has given her and she’ll be the next Carolina Herrera. I just know it.

One evening, after I finished the third movie of the day, Denton calls and tells me he’s leaving King’s Crossing. He wants to know if I want to go, but I decline. I explain about my parents, and he grows quiet.

“I’m happy for you, Stella. You went through hell and back helping bring the Blacks to justice, and you deserve this. I hope your parents are everything you need them to be. If they’renot...if you need someone to talk to or a place to get away, call me. I’ll be there in a heartbeat. It doesn’t need to be said, but, no strings, okay?”

I always knew Denton felt an affection for me that bordered on...maybe not love, but closer than friends. That’s what happens when people are shoved into traumatic situations together. He saved my life, and I’ll always be grateful he didn’t let that car kill me.

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