Page 17 of Cruel Dreams

“Don’t run off like that,” Zane says, sinking onto the bench next to me. He anchors his elbows on his knees and rubs his jaw. “You freaked me out. I can’t lose you, Stella.”

He can’t lose me how? Lose my love, or lose my help? I can’t stop thinking about Nathalie in Zane’s arms. I can’t get the picture of Vance Huxley pawing at her out of my head. I’m glad it wasn’t me, but it is, isn’t it? Zane stopped loving me the moment I disappeared and I let him fuck me in my apartment for currency. Only it wasn’t cash he paid me, it was touch, and I’m still in the red.

Shame burns my heart. I’m so selfish. This isn’t about me.

“I’m not pregnant,” I blurt out.

Zane stiffens and then blows out a breath. “I can’t lie. I’m glad. I’m not ready to be a father. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry. We have no idea what’s going to happen after Ash and Clayton are arrested. What kind of damage control we’re going to have to do. What Zarah will need to completely recover. On top of all that, you still need to run your company. I’m going to need time, Zane.”

“You said you’d marry me,” he reminds me harshly, the growl coming low and deep, and God, does it sound like he hurts.

“Did I? I was high on drugs and amazed I wasn’t dead.”

A flight attendant walking by rolling a black carry-on gives us a sideways look, but she keeps going.

He rests his forehead against mine and tightly grips my shoulders. “I love you, Stella.”

“I love you, too, you know that, but you can’t deny life is really fucked up right now.”

Zane stands and practically the whole airport looks our way. He’s handsome, commanding, and pissed. “You’re right. I can’t. But you know my life will be even more fucked if you leave me. Let’s go.”

He carries the bags, and I trail behind. I guess this isn’t what Mel had in mind when she suggested our field trip.

We’re quiet in the truck, and Zane turns on the radio to fill in the silence. He’s happy I’m not pregnant. I’m not carrying a piece of him inside me. I can say he gave me his heart, that his love is inside me, but that’s stupid. People walk away from each other all the time. Love means nothing.

Maryanne would be appalled at how I’m acting. I can’t take care of a baby. I’m not even taking care of myself right now, and that was the number one rule she taught all her girls. Look out for yourself. Don’t worry about anyone but yourself. I’m the last person who should be thinking about bringing a poor defenseless life into this world.

I should be ecstatic I’m not pregnant.

I’ll try like hell to convince myself I am.

Mel pins a wig over Nathalie’s hair and suggests she wear a large pair of black sunglasses. She asks why she needs a disguise, and Mel says she’s engaged to one of the most prominent men in King’s Crossing. If someone were to find out she’s cheating on Zane, and with the mayor of King’s Crossing, no less, it could ruin the whole thing.

Quinn helps me step into a slinky dress that’s cut high in the front to cover my fading bruises but low in the back exposing my shoulder blades and spine, buckles high-heeled sandals onto my feet, and applies a thick layer of makeup to my face. Thelast piece of my outfit is a camera Mel attaches to the strap of my dress that’s shaped like a black disk. It looks like a small button, but no one will see it except Nathalie. My job is to find a place to hide and film the entire thing, and Mel will pick through it and choose the stills we can release at Ash’s fundraiser. Mayor Huxley’s campaign platform consisted of family values and opportunities for children. Better preschools, free lunches for kindergarten and elementary school kids. He even created a program for foster kids, and I admired him until I found out he uses Ash’s prostitution service.

It will be a pleasure to help scrape that scum off the street and out of office.

Zane doesn’t want me to go, but though no one will say it out loud, no one trusts Nathalie to meet Mayor Huxley alone. Mel needs to monitor the footage the camera I’m wearing will film and Zarah’s in no condition to help. Max and Denton would look out of place at the Black Cat. Had this happened later, Quinn could’ve gone, but she’s still recuperating and tires easily. I’m the only one left, and scantily clad, I’ll fit in as Nathalie’s partner.

She’s met Huxley many times, and she’s calm, doing her makeup and fluffing the wig. “Hux will get a kick out of this,” she says, applying lip gloss.

Zane doesn’t know how to act around either of us, and agitated, he only says a terse, “Good luck.”

The plan is to arrive at the motel before Huxley, and Douglas will park out of sight and wait in case things turn ugly and we need backup or a fast escape. Normally, her jobs would send a car or she would use a car Ash made available for his girls, but that won’t work now that she’s engaged to Zane.

“I’m sorry you have to do this,” I say, sitting in back of the town car, crossing my legs then uncrossing them. I feel like I’m showing off all my bits, and in the heat, my stockings and garter belt scratch at my skin.

“Nothing I haven’t done before,” she says, jerking her shoulder and dismissing me.

“Well, I still am.”

She scoffs. “I’m sorry Ash chained you to a desk for five years. Does that help?”

I look away. “No,” I murmur.

“Then maybe it’s best we keep our thoughts to ourselves.”

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