Page 13 of Cruel Dreams

“You’re right, but you’re also wrong. I grew fond of you, and I care about you. Once Ash and Clayton are behind bars, I’ll see to it you will never need anything for the rest of your life.”

Nat sniffs and a bitter laugh bubbles from her throat. “You rich people are all alike, you know that? Think you can throw money at a problem and everything is going to be okay. I spread my legs forseven years.Seven years they used me, hit me, shove things into my body in the name of love, passion, desire, and power. Seven years I haven’t lived my own life. You think that after this is over you’re just gonna hand me a couple million, tell me to shut up and have a nice life, and that’s going to be it? Is that what you think you’re going to do with Stella? She lost five years to that asshole. Ash is a piece of shit, and I’ll be glad to pay him back, but just because in the end you win, don’t you darethink you don’t have responsibility, that you don’t have blame. All you had to do was ask a couple of the right questions to the right people, but you didn’t want to see what was going on around you. People paid for that. You didn’t love her enough to fuckingfind her and ask herwhy she would leave you, andStellapaid for that.”

She presses her lips to mine and wraps her arms around my neck. We’re supposed to be a couple in love, and I hold her and slip my tongue in her mouth. She breaks the kiss and whispers into my ear, “I fucking hate you, and I wish she did too.” Pushing me away, she opens the door and steps into the ballroom, the sound of faint conversation drifting out to the terrace in her wake.

I try to catch my breath. I feel like when I was a kid and Ash and I would play tag. He’d trip me to slow me down and I would crash onto my stomach, the wind knocking out of me so hard I couldn’t breathe.

I grapple with what she told me, what she accused me of. Did I think throwing money at this would make it go away? Maybe I did. She certainly knew my plan toward her—pay her off and hope I never had to hear from her again while I went on my happily ever after with Stella.

Stella could have warned me that the man I am now isn’t enough for her. She could have told me she doesn’t believe I love her, but how can she think that when there are mornings I wake up buried so deeply inside her I don’t know who I am without her? Could she give herself so willingly at the same time thinking that after this is finished we’d never see each other again?

I refuse to believe that. If she were any other woman, I would, but Stella doesn’t have it in her to deal in such duplicity. She’s too honest to play games. She’s told me she’s having trouble seeing past my mistakes, and that’s something she’s never hidden from me. We’ve also talked about babies and beinga family, and I believe those conversations were real. Those feelings are real.

I inhale a deep breath of humid air and step inside the ballroom. I want to go home.

Nat’s graciously accepting congratulations and saying goodnight to people who are leaving. Ash and Clayton are standing near her, shaking hands and planning last-minute tee times. Clayton meets my gaze across the room and nods. There’s no love lost between us. We’re going to have to be a little more careful now that I revealed some of the cards in my hand. Clayton can only guess at the ones I have left. He’ll be nervous, but I have a perfect poker face and know exactly the next card I need to play.

Nat and I go down to the lobby alone, and the valet retrieves my car. I open the door for her myself, and she brushes her lips over mine in case anyone is watching. Always playing until the very last second.

“I’m sorry about what I said,” she says, twisting the ring on her left hand.

“It’s okay. You haven’t said anything Stella hasn’t said a million times. I was blind and trusted Ash. I’m a different person now, and the important thing is we all work together and stop what he’s doing so we can move on in peace. In whatever way that means. I’m not going to cut you off or throw you out like you’re a bag of trash. I care about you, and I care about what happens to you.”

She lifts my hand off the gearstick and kisses my knuckles. “You’re a good guy. I get swept up in the past.”

“The past that would still be your present if things hadn’t changed.”

“You mean if Stella hadn’t come back.” She drops my hand in disgust.

“She found the courage to escape Ash and it made me realize a lot of things.”

Nat glares. “She should never have been in that position to begin with.”

We’re silent the rest of the way to the penthouse.

CHAPTER FIVE

Stella

Waking up before anyone else gives me room to breathe and just be.

I’ve already let in the breakfast delivery, and Max’s cat sits next to me on the loveseat while I drink coffee and pick at a blueberry muffin.

Mel put in a standing order that’s delivered every morning at nine. She said the early hour forces someone to roll out of bed to let them in, and that someone is usually Max.

He’s always up early investigating and writing articles to submit to theChronicle.His editor was thrilled he’d been at the right place at the right time to write an eye-witness account of the shooting, and the piece he did on my death was the most popular byline of his career. Because of the article, Max’s editor gave him proper permission to look into Lark’s and Kagan’s deaths, and now he has approval to travel to the NTSB offices in DC. He’s been researching and writing as much as he can from the hotel, but sometimes he works at the newspaper’s offices and Zarah sits sullen, waiting for him to come back.

One afternoon I was looking for Quinn, and I overheard Denton ask Mel why I’m going with Max and not him or her. Mel replied I was locked away for five years and she wanted me to start experiencing life again. Her thoughtfulness brought tears to my eyes until Denton told her I would have plenty of time after the Blacks were behind bars and I heard her response.

“What do you want her to do? Hide here until it’s safe to come out? We have no idea how this is going to go down. None. She might end up in the Witness Protection Program, or worse, living as Kendra Lovelace for the rest of her life. What’s she going to do then? Keep running? Keep hiding? She’s not going to care about seeing the Louvre if she doesn’t know if she’ll live to eat her next meal. I love Zane, he’s a great guy, but come on. He’s not the brains behind this operation. If we pull this off, it won’t be because of him.”

Denton scoffed. “You’re not wrong.”

“You need to talk to him. You two circle each other like lions about to go head-to-head for a mate. You talk to him and let Stella be. Max will keep her out of trouble.”

“I have more faith in him than I do in Zane.”

From where I stood, I couldn’t see Mel, but I pictured her rolling her eyes. “Leave Zane alone, too. There’s only so much apologizing the poor man can do. We’ve all made mistakes, even you, Richard. Instead of investigating behind Zane’s back, maybe you should have told him your suspicions. We’ve been up his ass about everything, but what about you? You claim you were one of his father’s best friends. Maybe ifyouwould have spoken to Zane and told him your thoughts on Clayton Black, none of this would have happened. Stella wouldn’t have had a reason to snoop through your email. Zane wouldn’t have had a reason to fire you. There would have been no reason—”

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