Page 74 of Burned & Bound

We took Zeus and Thunder Jack out for a ride. I let Jackson take the lead. A little over halfway there, I realized where we were going.The northern ridge.Fuck, I hadn’t been out this way since the night I left Double Arrow. My chest tightened uncomfortably with the meaning of this place. A million fucking memories were tied up with the simple plot of land.

I followed his lead as he tied up Zeus to an old tree branch and dropped to the ground, sprawling out in the long grass with a sigh. I laid down next to him. Every inch of my body was tense as I waited for him to say whatever he had on his mind.

“I think you and I need to talk about what’s going on,” Jackson began, and the bottom of my stomach dropped out. I didn’t know how to talk about any of this shit.How the fuck did I explain how goddamn broken I was?

How did I tell him anything without making him run in the other direction?

“I don’t need details,” he continued. “I ain’t about to pretend that I understand a thing about what you’re going through… what you’ve beenthrough. But I think we’d both be idiots if we didn’t acknowledge that it’s affecting things between us.”

“Sorry,” I muttered. Any other relationship he had would be normal. I couldn’t give him that.Maybe scaring him away was the better option. For his sake.“I told you I’m not fucking worth it.”

“I’ll keep believing you are for the both of us.” He said the words with such conviction that I wanted to believe him. I wanted to so fucking badly that it hurt. “I’ve got all day, West, so take your time. I just want to know what happened the other night. You left without saying a word. I tried calling you but you didn’t answer. I didn’t have a clue if you…”

“I didn’t fucking drink,” I snapped.Yeah, my defenses were a little too high, all things considered, but I also had no idea how to fucking lower them.It was the only way I knew how to survive. “I didn’t.”

“I believe you.”

“I wanted to.”

“I had a feeling.”

“But I didn’t.”

“That’s good,” Jackson told me. “That’s real good, West, but where did you go?”

“I went to drink,” I admitted. My gaze was pointedly fixed on the moody sky overhead. I couldn’t look at him. Maybe I was too ashamed of my own faults or maybe I just couldn’t handle the kindness I knew I’d find in his expression. I didn’t deserve the way he treated me no matter how much he thought I did. “Almost did but I called my sponsor instead.”

“That’s progress. I’m a little confused about why you left. I’m trying not to draw conclusions here. I’m trying not to push you into talking about things you don’t want to talk about—I get why you don’t want to talk about them—but I don’t know how to be in a relationship with you if I’m kept in the dark about everything.”

“Then don’t,” I cut him off.It was probably easier for him that way anyway.

“That ain’t what I want and you know that,” he retorted. “I meant what I said: your stables, your rules. But I need a heads up on the rules or a heads up on what’s going on. It ain’t just you anymore, West. I’m right here.”

My chest constricted painfully tight at the sentiment. I was very used to being alone—to handling everything alone. I was just fine alone. I didn’tknow how to let people in. I didn’t know how to talk to people or any of that shit.

But he was right.He didn’t deserve me running out on him all the time because I couldn’t handle my own shit either.

Fuck, this shit was hard.

“When I say that nothing has worked, I mean nothing has worked… down there,” I said quietly. “It’s not a stupid medical thing… it’s just… I’m just broken. They…”

My voice caught in my throat just saying it. My eyes burned, and I blinked hard.

“They broke me,” I managed to whisper.

“You’re not broken, West,” he said.

“Nah, I’m fucking broken,” I repeated.There was no denying that shit.“I have been for years. Still am. I just…”

I blew out a shaky breath. I didn’t know what the fuck I was trying to say. In the silence, Jackson’s hand found mine. His fingers wove through mine, and he held on tight.

Something about the gesture made me braver—just a tiny bit.

“I like you,” I rasped, sounding pathetic as fuck. “I just… can’t get the logical part of my brain to match the part of my fucking brain that can’t tell if you’re going to hurt me or not.”

“I won’t.”

I knew he meant it, but my brain struggled with that.With believing him.

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