Page 134 of Burned & Bound

“I can’t,” I whispered. The flash of pain on his face fucking broke me, and I swallowed back the visceral desire to just say yes and give him whatever the hell he wanted. I couldn’t.Not like this.

His fingers pressed against my lips before I could say more, effectively ending the conversation, and I watched as his eyes drifted shut all over again.

Marry me.

Marry me.

Marry me.

The words played on repeat in my head as I numbly wandered the halls alone. Each word was a stab to the heart.

I wanted to say yes to him.Why? I didn’t have a fucking clue. I didn’t have anything to offer him. Anything good to bring to the relationship. My demons were too much. How many times did I have to hurt him before I realized that Jackson was better off without me?

I sank down in a chair, my knees giving out. And as I sat there, I struggled to get out my wallet. Tucked away in the back was the same picture I’d kept in there for seventeen years. It was old and worn, thoroughly aged by time.

That picture I’d taken with me the night I ran away had become a lifeline—a reminder of better times.A reminder of a world where maybe Jackson and I had a future.

I didn’t recognize the kid in the picture. Deep down I knew it was me, but I was so far removed from that kid that he could’ve been a stranger. But that big smile he wore as he slung an arm around Jackson’s shoulders? I wanted to feel that kind of happiness again.

I wanted that carefree feeling. I was so fucking exhausted. The weight of everything was too much, and I didn’t know what the fuck I was supposed to do.

Had it always been this heavy?

A sob ripped through me, bursting through every attempt I had to hold it back. I pinched the bridge of my nose as I broke down—ugly and uncontrolled.

I didn’t want this life anymore.

“May I sit down?” A woman’s voice barely cut through the haze I battled. She didn’t wait for an answer as she eased into the chair next to me.

Fuck.I wiped my cheeks and tried to get rid of the tears, but they just kept coming.

“I’m Dr. Hawthorne,” she said. “I’m the head psychiatrist at the hospital.”

I made some kind of sound. It was about all I had in me to give her. I couldn’t hold a fucking conversation if I tried.

“Would you like to come to my office and talk?” she asked softly.

For the first time in my life, I considered that question. I stood at a crossroads with my life. One path was full of my demons and darkness—all the bad things I couldn’t conquer alone. The other path led to a life with Jackson. A life where all my bad shit didn’t follow us around and ruin everything. Where I could smile and feel happiness again. A life I wanted so fucking bad that it hurt. One I couldn’t have if I didn’t do something different.

My whole world was burning down around me—a raging inferno I had no control of. I had a choice: get the help I desperately needed or stay bound by my past and let it destroy me. To a normal person, the right answer was obvious. But to me the flames offered consistency. I knew them. I knew what to expect. I had no idea what would happen if I accepted help.

The uncertainty felt worse.But nothing would change if I didn’t change it.

“Yeah,” I whispered, choking on the word. “Yeah, I do.”

CHAPTER 96

jackson

Ilost all senseof time. Morphine was a damn good friend, but fucking hell, I was so far gone—which was probably a real good thing, all things considered. Try as I might, there were so many pieces missing.

I remembered climbing on Rampage’s back.

I remembered the bell and the chute opening.

And then I remember thinking I was dead the split moment before his hooves came down on me.

I remembered asking West to marry me and him turning me down. Should’ve seen that coming.

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