Page 142 of Burned & Bound

Hang that up, West, and when you look at it, I want you to realize what you’re capable of. You can do anything, baby. You did the impossible with Thunder Jack and Betty. You took a violent bucking horse and showed him what it was like for him to be loved and cared for. You saw him when no one else did. You took grumpy little Betty and gave her a chance at life when no one else was willing to. She may be a little escape artist, but I ain’t ever met a horse sweeter than her.

You loved them fiercely and changed their lives because of it. That’s a good thing.

It’s time you love yourself the way you loved those horses. It’s timeyou believed in yourself the way you believed in those horses.

Keep going, baby. I’m rooting for you from here.

Jackson

Thank you for the horseshoe, cowboy. That doesn’t seem to encompass what I feel when I look at it. I have it hanging in my apartment where I can see it from just about anywhere.

I’m doing this again. I can do this. Before staying in the apartment, we worked on decorating it as a part of therapy. On making it mine. It feels weird calling anything mine, especially something this big.

But I want this, and I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

And yeah, I like to draw. The truth is, I’m trying to figure out who I am. What I like and all that shit. My doctor says that kids who go through the abuse that I did struggle to create an identity for themselves. We create an identity we hope keeps us safe. I spent so much time trying to not piss off Harrison that I never focused on me.

Everyone knows I love horses. I like to draw. I’m learning that I like to cook, and I’m learning how to bake. I picked up the guitar, but I’m not that good at it. I’m not sure if I’m going to stick with it, but that’s a part of figuring it out, right?

I added in one of my drawings for you in case you wanted to see. Or you can throw it away. It’s up to you.

I’m sorry I took away from you taking steps. I’m so fucking proud of you. How does it feel?

West

Baby, you have no idea how proud of you I am. All the workyou’re doing is inspiring. You should be proud of yourself.

And your drawing? You’re fucking talented, West. You really are. There’s no way in hell I’m throwing that out.

I took a small walk by myself on the ranch yesterday. It’s funny how much my appreciation for this place has changed when I can finally walk it. Peter kept close by with one of the UTVs, and I didn’t go very far, but it’s betterthan not going at all.

There’s an ache when I walk, but I’m not sure if that’s ever going to go away. The cane helps.

This place is rebuilding just like me. There’s something incredible about witnessing that.

I got invited to the opening event for the rodeo this year, not to ride—that’s something I’ll never do again—but to make an appearance and help with the picks. I don’t know if I want to go.

Jackson

Hey, cowboy,

My neighbor Cait came over to help me upgrade my phone. Yeah, I got a smartphone just so I could watch the rodeo live. I watched you last night help with the picks. You looked good—real good. And you looked happy. Have you thought about maybe teaching? Was that job with Abernathy still open? I don’t have a clue what teaching bull riders entails except probably a lot of yelling at them, which we both know you’d be good at.

I got a job in construction. It’s nothing too big, only a few days a week, but they weren’t scared away by my record so that’s a plus. It feels good to be doing something with my hands and keeping busy.

So… there was something I wanted to share with you and it’s okay if you don’t want to.

I’m graduating from the clinic in four weeks. Me. I never thought it’d happen, but it is. We all think I’m ready. I think I’m ready. I feel ready… mostly. I can do this.

The clinic does this thing they call a birthday party—it’s the first day of the rest of my life. It’s a small thing with just the women and staff at the center, but I’m allowed to invite one or two special people to celebrate.

I understand if you don’t want to, but if you do… I’d love to have you there, cowboy.

West

CHAPTER 98

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