Page 139 of Burned & Bound

If you want to, I included the information about the clinic I’m at. You can’t visit, but you can send a letter. If you wanted. You don’t have to do anything.

Whatever you do, I respect it. I hope you have a good life. I know recovery will be hard, but I know you’ll do it. You’re too stubborn for anything less.

Thank you for showing me that I could be more.

West

West,

Do you know how hard it is to be mad at someone who puts themself through what you’re doing right now? Really fucking hard. I’m still struggling with the fact that you left and that you didn’t tell me, but I’m proud of you. More than I know how to put into words. You deserve better than the life Harrison paved for you, and I’m happy that you’re looking for it.

As for how your letter found me… does grumpy count? I don’t know. I just feel angry all the time right now. I hate this stupid wheelchair. I hate the way I feel stuck in it. My doctor wants me to start physical therapy to try and get me back on my feet again, but I can’t bring myself to make the call.

I don’t know why. I just… can’t. Maybe one day, but I don’t know.

You’ll get a kick out of this or maybe you’ll appreciate it. Maybe both. I bought Rampage.

Yeah, you read that right. I bought the fucking bull that put me in a goddamn wheelchair and ended my career. But the funny thing is, he’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever met now that he’s away from everyone hurting him. He never should’ve been a bucking bull.

I renamed him Ferdinand because he loves flowers. He’s obsessed with my mom’s flower beds along the fence. He loves them so much that Peter put in fake ones when the season turned just to give him something to look at.

I haven’t written a letter in years—at least, not one that didn’t involve yelling at Amy for doing stupid shit—so I’m not sure what else to say.

I do hope I hear back from you. If not, just know that I’m real proud of you, West, and I hope you find what you’re looking for.

Jackson

Jackson,

Get your ass out of the house and get to physical therapy. I know you’re scared, and I can only guess just how much it’s going to hurt, but don’t you quit now.

You’re Jackson Fucking Myles.

You can do this.

We’ve been working on dismantling my triggers in therapy. We’re working our way through the color yellow right now. My job is to buy a yellow shirt. I keep telling myself I will, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t bring myself to go into the store. I tried twice before making my therapist take me back to the clinic.

You go to physical therapy and I’ll buy a yellow shirt. How does that sound? We can do this together.

I’m not going to lie, I’m glad you bought Ferdinand. Though, I can only imagine how your mother feels about it.

Also… are you keeping a bull in your backyard?

West

West,

I’m so grumpy I made my physical therapist quit. Twice. Well, two of them. This third guy informed me right up front that he’s a retired drill sergeant and that he’s meaner and grumpier than I’ll ever be. I’m trying real damn hard not to have a challenge-accepted moment with this goddamn man. It wouldn’t help, right?

I fucking hate physical therapy. I’m just putting that out there. No one has even tried to make me walk yet, but the body conditioning alone… my leg doesn’t feel like my own anymore. I don’t know if it ever will. And what if I go through all this bullshit and still can’t walk? What am I supposed to do then?

Mom did hate Ferdinand at first. But she’s also living in my house for free and driving me nuts, so I don’t fucking care what she thinks. I don’t mean that. Not really. She’s been good at taking care of me. I just feel bad. I’m sure this isn’t how she wanted to spend her retirement. She gave up her apartment at Sandy Oaks to be here. I feel bad about that.

Though, Mickey does seem to be coming around a lot more. And sticking around. And spending a lot of time with my mom. There’s a lot of quiet conversation and laughs…

Fuck, my mom is secretly dating Mickey, isn’t she? Goddammit. And he pokes fun at me for HR issues. Dating the boss’s mom has to be an HR issue.

We’re about to reintroduce the breeding program here to try and build back up the ranch. We survived last season by the skin on our fucking backs. I sold off some of the land after getting the transfer of land papers. While I had to let a few guys go, it was more than enough to get us back on our feet for a bit.

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