Page 40 of Such A Filthy Girl

With great care, I unfolded it, running a fingertip over the neatly written words there, the i’s still dotted with little stars.

I have to go.

I’m sorry, Leo.

You tell me you’ll offer me the universe, if only I’ll stay.

I say come find me when you’re ready to explore the world with me.

Only then can we kiss under the stars.

Estella.

‘I’m coming, Starshine,’ I whispered.

TWENTY EIGHT

ESTELLA

Blue light flickered on the ceiling, the TV throwing picture after picture at me, all of which I ignored.

I’d cycled through anger and loss in the hours since Graham had walked out, finally sinking into the lonely depths of acceptance.

My oversized t-shirt showed evidence of my miserable night, splodges of chocolate ice cream littering the front. Limp hair half hung around my face, my bun lopsided and loose.

What would be next?

Inside, my heart ached to go home. To crawl into Leo’s arms and beg him to keep me. To kiss me and adore me, hidden from the world in our own private haven. But hiding from my mess wouldn’t heal me. Covering the falling down of my life would just sticky tape it together.

But tape would peel, and over time the fissures would expand. I couldn’t press myself into that onehouse forever. I needed more from a relationship. I’d just left one that had some huge cracks which I’d ignored for too long. Putting myself in an alternative version of that would rot me from the inside in a different way.

Tossing back my fluffy, heated throw, I shivered at the chill in the living room. My bare legs goose-bumping as I stood, stretching my aching muscles after far too long laid in the same spot.

Entering the kitchenette, I wrestled with a bottle of wine, groaning as the cork crumbled, leaving little floaters dancing on the red.

Filling the glass far too high, I leaned against the counter and fished out the brown specks between large gulps.

A loud bang on the door had me fumbling with the glass, nearly dropping it.

Had Graham come back?

It was nearly two in the morning.

Placing the glass down with a shaking hand, my other fingers slid to the still bruised spot on my throat.

Fear spiked.

Another series of bangs had me inching backwards.

‘Estella,’ Leo’s voice called through the door, desperation peaking.

My mind fogged.Leo?

‘I need to see you. Please?’

The break in his voice hit me right in the chest. I tore over the floor, unlatching the door and throwingit open.

Leo leaned against the doorframe, one thick hand steadying himself above his head.

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