Page 37 of Such A Filthy Girl

The world lurched, making me wobble. My vision darkened, flickering with each stuttering breath.

My chest gripped like a vice, my heart slowing until I stumbled backward, back into safety.

Estella bit her lower lip, then turned away from me, dipping into the car next to her fiancé.

Dizzy, I pressed my hands to my face, dropping to my knees in the entryway.

Grace and my father, came in a few moments later, the car crunching away outside.

‘C’mon,’ Dad said, extending his hand and helping me to my feet. ‘It would’ve been nice to see you out there saying goodbye, but there’s always next time.’

The world still quaked as I waited for my pulse to return to normal.

You’re an idiot. It’ll never be normal again.

TWENTY SIX

ESTELLA

The apartment door clicked behind me.

I’d barely been able to hold myself together on the drive home. Everything within me told me to go back. To rush into Leo’s arms and lock myself in that house with him.

To lay out on that roof night after night, swapping stories and kissing until both of us became breathless. Nights wrapped in his arms.

But temptation often clouded reality. And I wanted a full relationship. A full life.

Leo couldn’t offer that.

But neither could Graham.

‘Should I put on a pot of coffee,’ he asked, dumping my bag on the sofa.

‘Graham, I need to talk to you.’ I sat at the table, and pushed a seat outfor him.

‘Eager to start the planning already?’ Graham grinned.

I felt like a grade A cunt, about to kick a goddamned puppy.

‘I can’t marry you.’

Those four words seemed to suck all the air from the room.

‘What?’

‘Something’s missing. It has been for a long time. I thought it was enough, but it isn’t.’

I waited for him to cuss me out. To throw his chair back and have a go at me. To show some sort of emotion.

‘Nothing is ever good enough for you, Estella. Always got your head in the sky expecting fireworks.’

‘I’m sorry,’ I mumbled.

‘It’s okay. It’s been a busy few days. We’ll forget all about this and give it a few weeks before we set a date.’

My head swam.

‘I’m not marrying you.’

---