Page 88 of Misguided Vows

“Nice,” is all I can say.

“Yep. Will has that effect. He fucks them, leaves them, and they end up married. So maybe, in a weird way, he’s a good luck charm.”

I laugh at that. A good luck charm? Will? Please. “You know of others to prove this theory?” I ask.

“Yep, one of my assistants as well. She’s married now, too.” I bite the inside of my cheek, imagining the way his head would inflate if he heard this. “You may be lucky next.” And the way he says it makes me believe he’s hoping to be that lucky person. I don’t see it as good luck as Steven does. I see it as Will telling them how it was going to be, and that’s it. Good for them, they got married later.

“Steven, I don’t know if I’m exactly dating material, let alone marriage material,” I say, trying to subtly let him down.

“You don’t know until you try,” he says optimistically. His phone begins to buzz in his pocket. When he fishes it out, his smile widens. “That’s the first real estate agent, Luke. He’s a good friend of mine. Are you ready to meet him?”

I smile appreciatively, not entirely comfortable with how he boycotted my subtle way of letting him down. But I’m equally excited to find the perfect shop space. Not working on a project is spiraling me into a version of myself with which I’m not entirely comfortable.

CHAPTER 52

Will

Ihit the cue ball and sink two solid-colored balls. I then sink another. And another.

River sighs. “You might as well be playing pool on your own at this point if you’re not going to even let me have a turn.”

I sink the eight ball. End of game. Another win.

I flash an arrogant smile that doesn’t hold any humor. Nothing does since Alina screamed at me over two weeks ago. I know she’s safe after the fire, but how can I face her after she knows the ugliness of my truth? Besides, for just a second, I thought… I wondered what it might be like to have a life with her instead of the one I’d imagined with Hayley.

It felt like my path was correcting its own course with the way everything happened. Making sure I wasn’t being misguided away from my vows to Hayley.

Nobody in the rundown bar has approached us since we walked in. I wanted somewhere quiet, unseen and not memorable as I drank away my sorrows.

So if I feel like this with Alina, why do I feel like I’m mourning for my wife all over again? I don’t get it. For the first time in a long time, I’ve sat in my misery for the past two weeks. I’ve mainly tried to drown out my sorrows with liquor.

River licks his lips anxiously. “I can’t do this anymore. You can’t stay like this, man. You either run after her or throw yourself back into work, but you can’t keep dragging me out every night so you can drink yourself into oblivion.”

I throw back the whiskey just to make a point of his previous comment.

“It’s better this way,” I say.

He sighs as he leans against the bar stool. “For who? So you originally found her because of a job, but you chose her over the money. So why should her finding out about it be any different?”

“That’s not the problem here, and you know it,” I grit out through my teeth. The ghost of my wife stands between us. Neither of us can see her, but it’s always the presence felt when he brings up any mention of a future with Alina.

His shoulders sag as I go to the bar and order another drink. As I’m waiting, I turn to where I left River. He’s racking up the balls for another game.

The bartender offers me a tentative smile and passes me the whiskey, but I’m not interested. How could I be when I’d been with the most beautiful woman only weeks earlier?

When I rejoin River, he leans against the pool table and studies me. “This is about Hayley?” he daringly asks.

I glare at him. River and Alina are the only two who know about her.

River sighs, defeated. “I’m not going to tell you how to live your life. But it’s been seven years. I imagine Hayley would want you to be happy instead of living for a ghost.”

“How can you say that? If someone took Anya away from you, do you think you could so easily replace her?” I snap back.

River’s jaw tics and I’m apologetic at throwing that situation out there, but there’s no way he can offer advice when he hasn’t felt pain like mine. Hasn’t known what it’s like to lose the woman you love and honestly know whether you’re allowed to continuehaving happiness. Those types of vows and loyalty don’t just dissolve because she died.

My shoulders sag because I’m a fucking mess, a jumble of mixed feelings and grief I know I never truly dealt with, and right now, I don’t know the way out from under its weight.

“You’re not replacing Hayley. But you’ve been happy with Alina around. It’s the first time I’ve seen the real you come out. I didn’t know Hayley, but I sure as hell know that you deserve to be that person. To have that joy, even if it is irritating to everyone else.” I can’t even smirk or find humor in his jab.

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