Page 44 of Willow

It’s for the best. No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be able to give him what he wants, and he deserves to be happy. To find a good, stable woman who can help take care of Cadence and be a great step-mom to her. It’s what every little girl deserves and should have. I’m not that person. I had my chance and that was stolen away from me just like everything else. Whatever I love slips through my fingers. This is for the best.

Starting today, I‘m hoping I’ll be too busy with the tour that I won’t have time to miss him. I’ll go everywhere and do everything I possibly can to keep my mind off of him. With the exception of sleeping with someone. My heart wouldn’t survive. As time goes by, I’m sure that will all change, but for now it’s too soon.

Forcing myself to climb out of bed, I contemplate calling room service to bring me breakfast. I nix the idea and decide to go get it myself. Holding up in this room won’t do me a damn bit of good. Eventually, I’ll need to face reality. It was great while it lasted.

I’m just about to walk into the bathroom when someone knocks on the door. Did he change his mind? With my heart racing, I dash to the door and look through the peephole. It’s Trevor. I shouldn’t be as disappointed as I am. There was a time when I was happy to see him. Today’s not one of them.

“Hey, Willow. Lucas said that Caleb already checked out. Want to go grab breakfast?” Well, maybe I’m not so upset he showed up after all.

“Just you and me, or is Melody coming with?” It’s obvious by the eye roll he gives me that it’s just the two of us.

“We’re not going out or anything like that. Just having fun is all. It’s just you and me, cuz.”

“Cool. I’m going to take a quick shower before we head out. Give me twenty.” I snatch a few clean clothes out of my bag and head inside.

Thirty minutes later we’re sitting in a booth at Bob’s Bread & Breakfast,sipping our coffees. It’s exactly what I needed, and I think Trevor knew that since he knows me so well.

Before he has a chance to grill me about Caleb, I rush full speed ahead. “I hope you didn’t coerce me into coming so you could pump me for information.”

“Nah, I’m good. You’re an adult and can make your own decisions, and if the asshole makes you happy, that’s all I care about.” Yeah, he did. “It’s just been a long time since we hung out and I missed you. Weird, I know, but I like your company.”

“Thanks, I feel the same about you. If you want to be with Melody, then you have my blessing. I was just busting your balls. She’s okay, I guess.”

“She’s more than okay. We get along great and I like hanging out with her.”

We’re quiet when the waitress sets down our plates and we dive in. Not much conversation happening once we start shoveling food in our mouths. It’s all good. Being with Trevor is like coming home. The silence is comforting. I really do miss it. It’s just another reminder about how much our lives have evolved over this past year. How we were a force of four and now we are a force of six. Who knows? Maybe between now and next year, we’ll be a force of seven or eight. I’m not counting myself in the mix, I’m thinking about these crazy guys making babies with their significant others. As bittersweet as that sounds, it’s eventually going to happen. When it does, I’ll be the first in line to congratulate them.

We make small talk, pay the check and head back to the hotel. Sound check is in a few hours and I’m thinking about how I can pass the time. It’s like Trevor reads my mind. “You want to hang out and play Call of Duty until sound check?”

“Do you have a death wish? You know I’m going to kick your ass.” He roars with laughter because he knows I’m right.

* * *

CALEB

Twelve hours havepassedsince I landed, and I miss her so damn much. I find it ironic how I tell everyone I’m used to getting my own way, and the one girl I want I can’t have. Or better yet, she doesn’t want me because I have a daughter. The whole situation is partly my fault. I should have been honest with Willow and told her about Cadence up front. It would have saved a lot of heartache on my part knowing in the beginning she didn’t want children. That’s what she says now, but that might change in the future. When her wounds aren’t as fresh. It could take years for her to heal, if ever. I can’t fathom the thought of losing a child.

I’m thankful that I’m working from home this week, so I was able to have dinner with Cadence before giving her a bath and tucking her in for the night. Some weeks are hit or miss, and I feel so damn guilty that Anna and my mom spend more time with her than I do. These are precious times, and I don’t want to be so involved with work that I miss out on all of her firsts. I want to cherish each and every moment no matter how big or small. Money may buy me material things, but my memories cannot be purchased.

Walking into her room, I give her a kiss on the cheek, cover her up, and say a silent prayer. After checking the monitor one more time, I head into my room. Unease sweeps through me like it does every night. I might close my eyes, but I barely sleep. My sweet and concerned mother wanted to hire a live-in nurse so I could get some rest. Never going to happen. I don’t like the thought of someone creeping around my house while I’m sleeping. No thanks. If I manage to get a few hours in, I’m good.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, I consider sending Willow a text. Should I or shouldn’t I? Fuck yes, I should. I gave her three months to think about us, but I never promised I wouldn’t keep in touch.

Me:Miss you, love. Sweet dreams.

After ten minutes with no response, I get undressed and climb into bed. I know she had a concert tonight and now my mind’s playing tricks on me. Did she go to the afterparty? Did she hang out with the guys or did she find someone to erase me from her memory? This way of thinking will drive me absolutely mad over the course of the next three months. I could hire a PI and have her tailed, but what good would it do? We’re not exclusive, she made that abundantly clear, so I’d just be torturing myself if I knew she was hooking up with random men on a nightly basis. My gut instinct tells me she wouldn’t, but you never know what someone’s capable of when they’re lonely.

Closing my eyes, I will myself to fall sleep. It doesn’t work. Never thought it would. I’m contemplating getting up when my phone pings. Grabbing it off the nightstand, I swipe. Willow messaged me back.

Willow:You too, Boss Man.

There’s no mention about her missing me, too. It’s not what I was expecting, but I’m grateful she acknowledged me at all. She’s already slipping through my fingers and it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours.

For the first time in my life, I need to learn patience. Perhaps in time she’ll accept my sweet girl as her own.

Until then, I need to respect her wishes.

28

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