Page 20 of Lucas

“Whatever, but I’m not having this conversation until I’ve showered and had a chance to relax. Keep yourself occupied until I’m finished.”

My mind is going a hundred miles an hour while I’m in the bathroom. Do I spill my guts or keep on evading the truth? Sometimes, I think it would be great to let them in and tell them I’m fucking a guy that everyone has the hots for, but then another part of me wants to keep it a secret. My secret! See, this is the exact reason why I don’t have close friends. They always want to get up in your business, and when they do they ruin everything. This time I won’t let them win.

Stalling won’t help, so once I’ve taken my sweet time, I step out and face the music. Cheryl is alone, and for reasons I can’t explain I’m glad she’s the only one here. “Where’s Beth? I thought she wasn’t leaving until she knew the truth?”

“She had an SOS text from her mom and needed to take off. You know what that means, right?” I do feel bad but only a little.

“Yeah, and I feel bad that her mom’s on a bender but glad she’s smart enough to get the help she needs. Coffee?”

“I’d love some. And you can relax with me. I’m not as inquisitive or gossipy like Beth is, but I think you know that.”

“I do, and I appreciate it. But why the hell does she think I’m sleeping with Lucas?” I wait with bated breath, because how she answers my question will determine my response.

“Well, it’s quite incriminating. And, truthfully, I don’t know how you’re getting out of this one. She witnessed you running out of his loft this morning, pulling a sneaky walk of shame. And you and I both know there’s no one else living there that you’d be sleeping with. Unless you have a thing for Mr. Robinson.”

Eww. Yep, she’s right. I’m totally screwed. My mind can’t find a way to backpedal on this one, so I let out the biggest sigh ever and try to figure out what to tell her. She beats me to it.

“Look, you don’t need to explain a thing to me. If you’re lucky enough to be getting laid by your man-whore, then I’m happy for you. In fact, I thought you and this man, who will remain nameless, made a cute couple. Just sticking in my two cents for what it’s worth. I promise I won’t tell Beth, but we need to come up with a plan. Otherwise, she’ll hound you until the day you die. In a way, her mom’s bender saved you both.”

Yeah, I’d never wish anything bad on anyone. That’s not who I am, but Cheryl’s right. This could be the big break I needed. Now we just need to put our heads together to figure out a plan.

13

Lucas

I should have knownthat the silence wouldn’t last. That my father wouldn’t let sleeping dogs lie, so to speak. Really, what did I expect? That I could just return my monthly check and there wouldn’t be any repercussions? That he’d let it go without wanting to know why? If it is my fucking money, then I should have the right to accept or refuse it. Am I right? I am so done! I don’t need his money or his damn time. I’ll meet him at theBistroone last time to tell him exactly that. And then I’m off to practice with my band so I can prove to him once and for all that I don’t need him or his connections to succeed.

By the time I’ve finished my little pep talk, I’m walking into the restaurant. The walk wasn’t long enough to calm my nerves, so it’s crucial that I take a few deep breaths before approaching the hostess station. If nothing else, it’ll buy me a little extra time so I don’t flip the fuck out when I see him. I know it’s too little too late when his hand unexpectedly lands on my shoulder. Some fathers might pull their son in for a manly hug or, god forbid, a kiss. Not mine. A hand on my shoulder will be the only sign of affection I’ll ever know.

“Lucas, you beat me. I think that might be a first. Let’s talk.” He waves off the hostess as he ambles by, not bothering to check in. I know they’re used to it by now, but it doesn’t make it right. I give her a brief smile and shrug my shoulders as I pass by. She winks, so all is good.

We both pull up a seat at a little corner table, which is his norm. It’s secluded and quiet, a good place to air out our dirty laundry. We wouldn’t want the powers that be listening in on this one, now would we? Well, I don’t plan on staying long. Short and sweet. That’s how I roll.

The waitress saunters in, introduces herself, and takes our drink orders. We both order a coffee and then she disappears much too soon, leaving an awkward silence in her wake.

“I’m sorry, Lucas,” my father begins. “For not being honest when you were old enough to understand. I should have told you, but I thought your life was good enough to spare you all the sordid details. My fault, so please don’t jeopardize your quality of life because of me. Take the money that you so well deserve.”

What the what? “Deserve? That’s where you’re wrong. I’m not a full-fledged Knight like Landon. I’m just a private joke that your family discusses when they don’t think anyone’s listening. Thanks but no thanks. I don’t need or want your money—” I stop in mid-sentence when the waitress appears out of nowhere and places our cups on the table.

“Have you decided what you’d like to order or should I give you both a little more time?” Once again my father dismisses her with a wave and mumbles something which sounds like more time. Oh hell, if he only knew.

“Lucas, there’s something else you need to know before finishing that sentence.” I pretend I’m busy fixing my cup of coffee so he doesn’t see how badly my hands are shaking. My adrenaline’s off the charts and I’m about to crawl out of my skin.

“What could you possibly tell me that’s any worse than what I already know?” My spoon has stirred the cup at least a dozen times already but I can’t stop.

“Your trust fund is child support payments that your biological mother set up for you years ago. It’s not my money, Lucas.”

Okay, stick a fork in me. I’m done! Like his big reveal is going to make me accept this money with open arms. I don’t want to cause a scene, so I lean over the table and when he inches a bit closer I say, “Listen, since I’m only going to say this once. I didn’t want your money before and now that I know it’s hers, I want it even less. I’ll earn my own living, my way. Thanks for the breakfast invite, but I’ve suddenly lost my appetite. Bye, Dad.” I stand up on shaky legs, hold my head high, and leave my father with his head in his hands. Did he really think it would make a difference whether it was his money or hers? Not in this lifetime. Maybe, just maybe, I would have liked to grow up with a mother’s unconditional love instead of the root of all evil. Money. Did anyone ever think of that? Obviously not.

I don’t bother going home, I just keep walking and walking and walking. My head’s spinning and I’m not sure I know how to make it stop. Not only am I an illegitimate child, my birth mother’s been paying child support all these years. Like, WTF? I know I can’t let this new piece of information fuck with my head since I need to concentrate on our last practice session today. Thank fuck I didn’t mention a word to the guys about meeting up with my dad this morning. This is one secret I’ll be taking with me to the grave.

By the time I make it to Trevor’s, my mind’s clearer and everyone’s downstairs messing around. We spend the rest of the day and night practicing until we get it just right.

Then and only then do we order takeout pizza and bingeBreaking Bad. It’s exactly the kind of hectic day I needed to take my mind off of my fucked up life. Truthfully, I’m not sure how the hell I’m going to make ends meet without that money, but if I need to find a job, then I will.

***

Abby

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