Page 93 of Time To Live Again

“And she feels the same?” she asks, a smile dancing across her lips.

“Yes,” I mutter, a smile spreading uncontrollably across my face. “And she’s open to moving here. But since she’s only been here that one week, I want her to get familiar with the island before making such a big decision. If it doesn’t feel right for her or us here, I wouldn’t hesitate to move.”

She leans forward, hands splayed on the table. “Okay…what are you asking me? I can sense there’s something else on your mind.”

“I want to become manager, but only for two years. If Olive and I decide to stay here, then it’d be for longer.”

She doesn’t even blink before she responds. “Consider it done. And you don’t have to promise two years. It’s your life. Don’t worry about what anybody else wants.”

I rest my elbows on the table. “But I’m supposed to take over the hotel when you retire. Who would take over then? Tonya doesn’t seem too interested.”

She reaches across the table for my hand. “We’ll worry about that when the time comes. I don’t plan on retiring anytime soon. Your happiness is the most important thing here. Watching you move on, in love with your perfect match…it does something funny to my heart.”

I rest against the chair and cross my arms. “You really think she’s my perfect match? You weren’t the friendliest when Olive was here.”

She pulls her hand away and looks down. “I know, and I’m sorry. It’s a mother’s job to protect her child. I don’t want you to get hurt if things go south.”

“Ma,nothingcould make me change my mind. She’s the one for me.”

“Good, because you have no idea what might come your way.”

“Olive and I have dealt with a lot in the past. It’d have to be pretty bad to rip us apart.”

“Good.” She pats my hand and stands. “Time to make the pasta.”

42

LEO

In the intimate banquet room where we’re holding Corey’s memorial lunch, loud chatter fills the air as waiters circulate, clearing away the dirty lunch plates. By the door, Tonya and Louis discuss when to bring in the dessert platters.

Standing around Corey’s grave this morning was tough with everyone there, but delivering a speech to the same group will be worse.

“Are you ready?” Olive asks, squeezing my hand. “Say everything that’s in your heart. Don’t hold back.”

“I’ll try,” I reply, my knee bouncing in sync with my rising heart rate.

Tonya approaches and taps my shoulder. “It’s your turn. Take your time.”

I push back my chair and head to the front where a large picture of Corey is displayed. Silence takes over the room, and all eyes are on me. I take a few seconds to settle, then begin.

“I wasn’t sure I could deliver a speech today. My chest feels like it’s going to cave in any second, and the tears want to break free again. But it’s okay that I feel sad and angry because emotions prove one thing: I’m alive. Something Corey is not. No matter how hard he fought, the cancer was stronger.

“When Corey died, a part of me died too. I didn’t know how to live without my cousin and best friend. Wherever I was, he wasn’t too far behind. For the last five years, I’ve been only existing in this world, not living.

“The day after his funeral, I packed up our memories, adventures, and milestones. They’ve been collecting dust in boxes as if they had no value. I’ve pushed friends and family away and replaced them with people who didn’t know Corey. As time passed, glimpses of my old self emerged, but never fully returned. Instead of giving myself permission to grieve, I’ve been pretending it never happened. Traveling gave me an escape. Avoidance was excellent medicine until it didn’t numb the pain anymore. I’m not proud of these actions.

“It so happens that someone recently appeared in my life who woke my sorry ass up.” I grin at Olive, and Tonya nudges her. “A quiet, troubled, and alluring woman arrived at the hotel on New Year’s Eve. One look at Olive, and my whole life changed. She came here to escapehertroubled life, but her bravery and drive were awe-inspiring. Then I thought to myself, if she can do it, then why can’t I? Maybe we could both learn to live again, together.”

“I know this speech is supposed to be about Corey, and that’s where I’m headed. In that first week Olive spent here, we became close. We talked about the things in our past and how they had affected us. And then she went home. I went directly to Mom’s and spent hours in the attic with Sully and Tonya. We looked through photo albums and videos, sifted through travel souvenirs, sorted clothes we wore when we performed, and flipped through little notebooks filled with our ideas. And I cried.” My voice cracks, and I look at the ceiling to control myself.

“I cried for Corey and how he suffered. I cried about the unfairness of being alive while he wasn’t. I cried because a piece of me will always be missing because he’s no longer here. And I cried because I wasted five years of my life, and he would’ve given anything to have five more.

“And…I cried until there were no tears left because I found a letter from him that was stuck between two of his favorite books. Why I didn’t see it when I packed everything up, I don’t know. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to find it until now.”

I pull the letter from my pocket and unfold it. “This is what he wrote.”

Leo, sorry about the handwriting. It was always shit, but it’s even worse now. Fucking cancer. I see you’ve finally found this letter. I bet it’s years after I left the building. How did I know? Are you really asking that question? We were joined at the hip since birth. I know you better than anyone. I bet you’ve been wearing your comedian mask and hiding everything else deep down inside since the day I died. You probably don’t dance or sing or anything anymore. Am I right?

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