Page 68 of Time To Live Again

She cuts me off with a bone-crushing hug. Wow, she’s thrilled to see me. That makes me hug her even longer. Maybe this won’t be as bad as I thought.

But when she finally lets go of me and steps back, her eyes are shooting daggers. “Never do that to me again! Running off like that and then not talking to me for a week? I was worried sick. And then only getting brief messages from you. And you ignoring mine. God forbid you picked up the phone.” She rages on and on.

I touch my cheek like she slapped my face and close the door. My neighbors don’t need to hear this. Here I thought she was happy to see me. When she grabbed me in that hug, I even thought maybe she understood why I left. Nope.

You knew she’d be this way.I think quickly about how to respond to her. “Mom,” I finally say, “I don’t want to fight with you as soon as you come through the door. And I’m sorry I upset you, but I did what I had to do to save myself.”

With her chin held high, she sniffs. “You’re forgiven.”

My eyebrows cling to my hairline, and my blood begins to boil. It’salwaysabout her—everything. She doesn’t care how I’m doing. Yeah, she was worried, but about what? Obviously, the talks with Uncle Bruce and Andy did nothing.

I need to stay level-headed. Look at the situation from both sides. At least, that’s what I try to do.Think of Leo and how you feel at peace when you’re with him. And stand up for yourself!

“I don’t need your forgiveness.”

Her eyes flash with something, but it’s hard to tell what. I keep going.

“This week away was a real eye-opener, and I’m beyond happy I went. And nobody—not even you—is gonna take that away from me. I’m a different person now.”

“Someone who is disrespectful to her mother.”

Okay. That’s it. The gloves are off.

“Do you hear yourself? If someone’s being disrespectful, it’s you. Everything is always about you. Did you hear anything about why I left? Did you not see how I was hiding in my apartment most of the time, miserable and antisocial? On the verge of depression? I just turned thirty, Mom, and I was living like I was sixty. I should be having the time of my life. Instead, I hid and let you feed into my misery. Thankfully, Andy confronted me and convinced me to snap out of it.”

“You think I want to see you miserable?”

“If you don’t, then what is this? Ever since Dad died, you’ve attached yourself to me. All your focus went to me, and I liked it at the time. But eventually, others saw how unhealthy it was, the way you hung on me. Pampering me but not trying to lift me up. Could you not see how miserable I was? That I had no life? Or did you enjoy my reliance on you because you couldn’t focus all your energy on Dad?”

Her head snaps back. “That’s not fair.”

“You know what’s not fair? That the first thing you did when you saw me is treat me like I’m a teenager who stayed out all night and didn’t call. How hard is it for you to ask me how I’m doing, how my week was?” My voice cracks.

She props one hand on her hip and points at me with the other, her eyes piercing mine. “Did you ever stop to think that I was as miserable as you? It wasn’t just your dad who died. My husband and soulmate died! He’s the only man I ever loved and he was by my side every second of every day—until suddenly, he wasn’t. Because I wasn’t there”

“I know that, Mom. You were grieving. And you still are. But you can’t do that by smothering me and making me feel bad for wanting a life of my own. That won’t bring him back, and it won’t make you happy again. You have to deal with his absence and learn to stand on your own two feet.”

“So I’m supposed to forget about my dead husband.” She turns away, her nose held high. “I can’t turn off my feelings like you did.”

“You know what, Mom, you can throw anything you want at me right now. I didn’t tell you to forget about Dad because I haven’t either. But you need to move on. It’s time to find yourself—the woman who’s now on her own. Make yourself the priority.”

She shakes her head manically. “Fine. You don’t want me around, I’ll go. I got your message loud and clear. I won’t bother you again.”

I stand frozen in the middle of my living room as she storms out, slamming the door behind her.What the fuck was that?She pinned everything on me. Again. She’s in denial. I need to read up on the stages of grief.

Exhaustion overwhelms me. I drop into the recliner and bury my head in my hands. I probably should’ve gone after her, but what would I have said that I didn’t already? Maybe I’ll call Uncle Bruce to find out what he discussed with her and how she reacted. Not now though.

This is exactly why I didn’t want to come home.

I grab my phone and type a text to Andy on the way to my bedroom. He’s probably out to dinner or entertaining someone.

Me: Catastrophe! Stormed out of my place. Didn’t tell her about Leo. No chance.

I toss the phone on my bed and collapse face down beside it. A couple of seconds later, it chirps.

Andy: Don’t let it get you down. We’ll figure out what to do. Can’t call because I’m at a business dinner with potential clients.

I respond with a thumbs-up and stuff a pillow under my head. Sleep is out of the question; it’s only dinnertime. Instead of getting up, I flip through the pictures I took this week. I grin ear to ear even as my eyes blur. One teardrop slips out and slides down the side of my face into my hair. How can I miss someone so much who I’ve only known for one week? How will I survive several weeks without seeing or touching him? Another text comes in from Andy, interrupting my pity party.

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