Page 14 of Time To Live Again

I look away and focus on a leaf in the potted plant on Mom’s desk.

“Honey,” she continues. “I know it’ll be hard for you, but you have to attend. If not for yourself, then for Corey and his parents.”

I glare at her. “We’ve been over this a million times. You have no clue how hard it is for me, even after five years. It still feels like yesterday. And why would she want to have a party to celebrate his death?” My voice sounds colder than I intended. “No, thanks. I’ll pass.”

“Okay, that’s enough. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up right now.” She stands and comes around the desk, then rests on the edge near me. “You need to let it go, Leo. Traveling around the world hasn’t changed a thing. Everyone grieves in their own way, but I don’t think you’ve stopped long enough to do so.”

Pulling on the hairband around my wrist, I say, “Why did you bring it up then?”

“A new year is upon us, and I’m hoping it’ll be a year of change for you. You don’t have to keep running. Herbert retires in March. The manager position will be open April first.”

“I’m not running.” I know she’s right, but I say this anyway. “I’m living the life that we wanted to have. To keep traveling.”

She sighs. “And you always do it alone. Don’t you get lonely? Aren’t you tired of being on the go all the time? When you’re here with us, you seem happy. Is it not enough to keep you here for the long run?”

Mom’s talking to me like we’ve never had this conversation before, but the topic comes up often. Yeah, I’m tired. I feel stuck, waiting for something to push me in a new direction or show me there’s more to life than writing hotel reviews.

Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do. And I’m a cheerful person by nature, but my chest feels hollow. It has since the day my cousin got sick. Then one day, he closed his eyes and…never opened them again. There was no chance to say goodbye. He was my best friend. How am I supposed to get over that?

I lean over and rest my head in my hands. “What do you want me to say that I haven’t already said the hundred other times we’ve talked about this, Ma?”

“I wish I knew.” She pushes away from the desk and comes over to pat my shoulder. “Why don’t you take off? Or go back to the café to tell that woman her room is ready. We don’t want complaints from our guests, do we?”

My head shoots up. How does she know about that?Donna? Louis?

She smirks. “Word travels.”

“As always. I was being nice.” If that were true, why did I ask Donna to put something in her room for her birthday? To extend my niceness?

“Whatever you say, honey. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you take someone to the café. She’s here alone, and you have time on your hands. Why not show her around while she’s here?”

“Forget it, Ma. Whatever you have concocted in your head, it won’t happen.” Since when do I lie like this?

She throws up her hands and shrugs. “A mother can only hope.”

I stand to leave, and Mom surprises me with a bear hug. “Leo…honey. Make this the best year you’ve ever had. Let that spark of life ignite again. You don’t need Corey to do that. It’s always been inside you. It’s just dormant right now.” She lays her hand on my heart. “You’re a good man already. Think of where that power could take you if you let it out again.”

“Impressive. That was pretty poetic. You should write that down or make a T-shirt.”

She shakes her head and sighs. “There’s no getting through to you.”

I poke her side. “I’m playing with you, Ma. I heard every word, and I’ll think about it. And I’ll call Aunt Betty in a couple of days.”

“Good. Oh!” she yells, making me flinch. “And stop pestering your brother.”

“What?” She’s going to give me a severe case of whiplash.

“Don’t deny it. I already gave your sister a mouthful. I shouldn’t have to say this when you’re all adults. Sully’s having a rough time, and you two don’t seem to understand that. Nothing sucks more than getting your heart trampled on. It’s like watching my life on repeat when I look at him.”

Recently, Sully caught his best friend and business partner screwing his fiancée in his own office at work. When Mom was twenty years old, her best friend stole the man she thought she was going to marry. That was almost forty years ago. She met my dad a couple of years later. Now she says she regrets losing her best friend, but she’ll be forever grateful to her because if she hadn’t taken him away, Mom would’ve married the wrong man.

But Sully’s still dealing with the pain of betrayal and rejection.

“We thought it was funny. I’ll apologize when I see him. Are you coming to the party tonight? The bartender can make you one of those fruity drinks you like.” I drape my arm over her shoulders and squeeze, knowing she’ll say no.

She sighs. “I think I’ll head home and celebrate alone.”

“Shocker.” I squeeze her again.

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