Page 50 of Colors and Curves

His head swings in my direction again. A sign of life flashes in his eyes, but then, as quickly as it came, it’s gone again. Well, I’m not done.

“You heard me. I love you. Yes, I’m saying it out loud, and I know it scares the shit out of you. It does me too. But it’s the best damn feeling in the world, and that outweighs the fear. I love you for everything you are, baggage and all. I love how you take care of Daisy and how you adored Chance. How you want to help Cameron. You always want people to think you’re a big tough guy with no feelings, but that’s so far from the truth. You have a heart of gold. I’ve seen it. I’ve seenyouwithout your wall up.” He steps around me and walks toward the door. I follow him. He’s going to hear me out.

“The problem is, you don’t see me. You claim you do, but if you did, you’d already know how much I love you. Every action or just how I look at you should show you that. I want all of you. Even with the trust issues I have, I’m willing to take the chance on us. Even if I end up hurt in the end! But let’s not hurt each other. Let’s build a new life together.”

He swings the door wide open.

“I said I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”

I force my tears back and bite my lip. I walk out the door, and then I turn to him for the final time. “You have one life, Julius. Learn from Chance and take advantage of the time you have on this earth. Everyone has the right to be happy. Find what makes you happy and hold onto it, even if it’s not me. You’ll regret it in the end if you don’t. But remember that I love you. Sometimes that’s all you need.”

Then I turn my back on him and walk away. I hear the door close quickly behind me. Daisy sits on the couch in the living room staring into space. I pick up the squirrel from the floor and place it on the table near the door. Then I leave without saying goodbye. And that’s when the heavy tears flow.

Jocelyn opens her front door and ushers me inside. Lacey, Sophia, and Tessa come from around the corner. I called Lacey once I could breathe again and told her what happened. Lacey gets to me first and envelops me in her arms.

“I’m so sorry, Sky,” she says.

“I should have known,” I reply. “My perfect track record and all.”

“Men.” Lacey huffs, and I join her in a half-laugh. “Why does this feel like a repeat of you all comforting me about Will after our trip to St. Thomas?”

I pull away. “Because love sucks? The big difference here is, I don’t think there’ll be a happy ending for me. Remember what I always say about myself? Forever hopeful, but always let down.”

Jocelyn rubs my arm, then closes the door. “Aw, honey. I’m sure you’ll work things out. Come on, the men are still here but they’re outside smoking cigars. We can chat inside without polluting our lungs.”

She leads us into the living room, and I have to smile. Her house is always so cozy and inviting. The large coffee table has snacks and wine ready for us. Candles are lit everywhere. The couches are big and comfortable. It feels like it’s midnight, but it’s only ten. I’m so exhausted, I could fall asleep on one of them right now.

Lacey, Sophia, and I settle on the couches, while Jocelyn and Tessa sit on the floor in front of the table. Glasses are filled and their attention is all on me.

Suddenly, I sit up. “Sophia, where are your parents?”

“They’re back at the hotel. Tessa’s going to stay at our place tonight.”

Tessa sits forward, an earnest expression on her face. “Sky, would you like me to leave? I don’t want to intrude.” Her voice is so cute with her German accent. I spoke to her a lot today, and I already feel she’s part of the clan. Sophia talks about her all the time too.

“No, not at all. I’m sure Lacey updated you all on what happened with Chance after I called a little while ago.” I pick up a glass of white wine and drink it like it’s water. Big swallows ward off the tears. The girls all say they’re sorry and drip with sympathy.

“So what exactly happened with Julius when you were at his place?” Lacey asks. “I mean, you told me about Chance and how Julius was upset, but—what really happened?”

“As soon as Daisy told me that Chance was gone, I knew Julius would push me away. He’s got so much baggage, so many losses in his life. And that’s exactly what he did. Even after I told him I’m in love with him. Damn it! I know I fell fast—we’ve only known each other for a little while, but it’s real. For him too, and—”

I look up and realize they’re all staring at me, eyes wide and mouths open. “What?”

“For someone who never thought that love at first sight was possible for her, you’ve sure changed your tune,” Lacey answers.

“Of course, we already knew,” Jocelyn chimes in. “Even at the opening, you could see the spark. And today, fireworks were flying everywhere. You’d think it was the fourth of July. His actions showed us all we needed to know. And you know what they say, actions speak louder than words. He’s in love with you too.” She reaches over and refills my glass. The rest of them nod in agreement.

“Well, he claims he’s not.” I let my body sink into the couch.

“He said that?” Sophia presses, reflecting doubt.

“No. Not really.” I repeat what he said to me. Then I stick up for him. “Listen, he’s had a bad past. I can’t tell you what he’s experienced because it’s too private. But I understand why he’s pushing me away. And right now, nothing’s going to change his mind. I’m not going to beg.”

“I guess I understand that,” Lacey says. “But the big question is, are you willing to deal with all the stuff that comes along with him?”

“Yes, because even with his heavy baggage, he’s the best man I know. And I’ll always love him, even if he doesn’t find his way back to me.”

He’s got to fight for his future. I can’t do that for him.

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