Page 19 of A Crossroads Christmas

You want to do this right now?His surly voice replied.

“Yes,” I barked from pursed lips.

In the mirror, a dark gray cloud of smoke slowly filled the room. Within the smoke, I saw my face transform, and the face of my Reaper appeared. I had yet to learn his name. He avoided the subject, but I felt he kept it from me intentionally, which only increased the tension between us.

“I do not avoid it, Chaos.”

The voice that spoke wasn’t mine, even as my lips moved. His reflection in the mirrored glass revealed the monster beneathmy flesh. A demon of sinew and bone who thrived on blood and the carnage of his reapings. I held no animosity for what he did, whatwedid together, only his interference in my life.

“Your offspring needs to know about her birth mother.”

“That’s not your call,” I spat, fuming.

“It is,” he insisted.

“No,” I argued. “She ismydaughter. I’m the one who loved her mother. Notyou.”

Rage filled my body, and his eyes glowed red.

I didn’t give a fuck. “I had to find her corpse and cut her down after she was murdered. YOU DIDN’T STOP IT!”

I shook with fury, the force of the pain and anger fueling us both. His image flickered in the mirror before I was hit with an agony that I couldn’t control. The overwhelming ache in my heart staggered me, and I had to grip the edge of the porcelain sink to keep from sinking to the ground. I’d never felt anything like this, so visceral that it lashed at every nerve in my body, ripped inside every cell. I felt torn apart and gutted as nausea swirled in my gut. Panting, I could barely draw air into my heaving lungs.

My lips curled into a snarl, pulling back from my teeth as I shook with agony. Every breath I managed to take felt like shards of glass. I wanted to beg for it to end, but I fought it instead, glaring at my Reaper.

“What is this?” I hissed.

“Losing her!”

What? Was he saying. . . no.

“Yes. Now you know,” he shouted as his voice broke, shattering the anger that had bound me for two years. “I FELT EVERY BIT OF HER LOSS!”

His roar, honest as it was brutal, knocked my feet from under me. I dropped to the cold floor, resting on my knees as my fistsunclenched. I didn’t move except to drag air in my lungs and push it out, shocked to my core.

“You loved her too,” I finally whispered.

Yes.He no longer spoke from my lips. I couldn’t see into the mirror; too low to the ground to glimpse my reflection.Your Cindi. My female. Our mate.

Fuck. All this time, I had blamed him for not saving her. I never realized that until now, but it was the truth. In my pain, I pushed him away, turning my anguish and loss inward. Before now, I didn’t realize the depth of torment that caused my Reaper.

Bhedlam.

“What?” Half delirious, I didn’t know what he meant.

My name.

An almost smile twitched the corner of my lip. “It’s a good companion to Chaos.”

It is, he agreed.

“I’m sorry, Bhedlam.”

We both have regrets.

And I knew exactly what he meant this time.

Neither of us saved Cindi. We both had to live with it.

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