Page 49 of Cooper

“No, but he reminded me I have to make a decision about re-upping.”

“Don’t you want to?” She sounds confused.

“I do and I don’t. What happened in Iraq…” This is hard to talk about but maybe if I tell her what I’m feeling, she’ll feel like she can too. “It made me realize that I’m not sure what I’m fighting for anymore. I love my country, but I’ve given them a good run. Maybe it’s time to be selfish and look to the private sector. Less danger, more money.”

There.

I said it.

It’s hard for a man like me to admit that he wants something simpler, easier, less dangerous. But of everyone I know, I think Natalia will understand.

Except she’s quiet.

For what feels like a long time.

Does she want me to leave? Is this thing with us over before it’s started?

I find it hard to believe, but it wouldn’t be the first time I was wrong about a woman.

“Nat?” I say her name softly, curious about what her hesitation is.

“Yes. Sorry. I’m just… you’ve caught me off-guard.”

“Yeah? How come?” It’s surprising to hear her say that.

“I guess I assumed you would stay in the military forever. Even though you talked about options, I didn’t believe you were truly considering anything else. It feels like being a marine is who you are.”

“I thought it was,” I admit, “and it’ll always be a part of me, but definitely not all. I think Iraq changed some of what I want for my future.”

“That’s normal, but do you think you just feel that way now? Once you’ve had time to recover and you get back to work, will you feel differently?”

“Maybe, but I don’t think so. I feel like this might be the time to make a change. If I don’t, then I may never, and I want to make some real money before I retire.”

Her eyes find mine, and there’s that question there again.

Talk to me, Natalia.

“What, baby?” I encourage softly. “I can see you want to ask me something. Why are you hesitant?”

Her eyes bore into mine.

“Would you ever consider…staying here?”

There it is.

The elephant in the room.

The question isn’t really whether or not I’d consider staying, it’s whether or not shewantsme to.

“That’s a hard question to answer.”

“It’s too soon for this conversation, isn’t it?” she asks.

“Maybe? We were friends for almost six months and then it turned into something more. It’s still new, but how much time do we need to be sure we want to be together? We have to figure it out because I can’t wait until June thirtieth to say I’m not going back.”

“Is that our deadline?”

“Essentially. If I’m going home, there’s no rush. I can figure out the NSA or private sector jobs at my convenience. Joe can hook me up with his old security firm, and I’d have a job doing bodyguard and security work tomorrow. Staying here takes a lot more thought and organization.”

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