Page 121 of Cooper

I’m about to ask where Natalia is when I hear—or maybe I just feel—her behind me. I turn slowly and it feels like a bolt of lightning hits me as our eyes meet.

“Hi,” I manage to say after a few seconds.

“Hi.” She looks as beautiful as ever, with her hair in a messy ponytail and no makeup.

Pieter starts babbling incoherently through the gag and Eleanora smacks him in the back of the head.

“Shut. Up.” She says it in perfectly enunciated English.

He quiets and then Eleanora makes a shooing motion.

“Go,” she says to us. “Outside. Now.”

Her English can be on point when she wants it to be.

Natalia nods, and we go out the back door, standing under the makeshift patio roof. It’s falling apart, something that obviously wasn’t fixed along with the main roof, and I’d love to get up there and at least put some fresh plywood to hold it steadier.

“How are you?” she asks softly.

I turn, squinting slightly. “Really? We’re going to make small talk? Come on, baby, that’s not us.Thisisn’t us. Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on. Why you left like that.”

Her eyes narrow. “You’re one to talk about leaving.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” I reach out a hand.

And wait.

“Do you forgive me?” I ask when she doesn’t respond.

“I don’t know. What part are you sorry for?”

“For leaving without telling you the plan. For not trusting you to trust me. For putting my fear that something will happen to you before our relationship.”

My words seem to get through to her because she wilts a little, relaxing her rigid stance and slowly taking my outstretched hand.

I close my fingers around hers. “I know you’re mad about all that. My only excuse is that Erik gave me an order, and even though I hadn’t consciously made a decision, somewhere deep down I knew I was going to become a Protector, so I did what I was told. Because it was safer for everyone. You, Casey, the royal family. If Yusef had gotten ahold of you, tortured you… you know things that could put the entire palace at risk.”

“But we can’t be together if you’re going to keep things from me,” she whispers. “Secrets like that will slowly destroy us. And that would be a fate worse than death.”

“I know. That’s why I had a long talk with Sandor, Joe, and Daniil last night. About what I want, and what I believe we need as a couple. But I told them that I have to choose you.”

“Choose me?” She looks confused.

“If I have to pick, between becoming a Royal Protector or loving you, I choose you.”

Her eyes widen, and then she launches herself into my arms, winding her arms around me tightly as her tears immediately begin to soak into my T-shirt.

“Shh, don’t cry, baby.” I hold her as close as I can, stroking her hair and whispering soothing words.

“I don’t want to leave the Protectors,” she sobs. “And I don’t want you to leave either.”

“Then why are you here on leave instead of back home waiting in bed for me?”

“Because I thought I was scared. Iamscared.” She lifts her head and stares at me with tear-stained cheeks. “But I think I’m more scared to be without you. To not be where I’m needed, where I can do the most good.”

“Weallget scared,” I say softly, brushing away her tears. “As men, we tend to hide it better, but I promise you—we all get scared. Me, Sandor, Erik, even Joe. But we’re different because we push through.”

“I don’t know how I’ll be able to breathe when you go on a mission without me. How I’ll function, thinking you might not come back.”

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