Page 113 of Cooper

Why wasn’t I privy to that information?

They’d asked me to trust them, telling me that Ryan wouldn’t be alone, but Erik had asked them to keep me in the dark. I know that Sandor and Joe keep secrets that have to do with classified information and national security, but this wasn’t that. This was about Ryan. The man I was living with. The man I loved. Whom, according to that stupid text he sent me, loved me too.

Yet I was left out once again.

Everything has come full circle, and I don’t have any answers.

I love Ryan with all my heart, but we can’t be together if things stay the way they are. If I knew how I could change something to make things easier, I would, but nothing about this is easy.

I don’t know what will happen if I decide I can’t be a Royal Protector anymore. I don’t have any other plans or dreams. When I first joined the Limaji military, it was about survival and being able to attend university. Then I signed up to become one of the Royal Protectors and found a purpose.

Now it feels like I’m losing everything.

Including my mind.

I pull into my parents’ driveway and get out, slinging my duffel bag over my shoulder. I don’t know what I’m going to tell them, or how I’m going to explain what I’m going through. They never wanted me to leave in the first place so there will probably be a lot of I-told-you-so’s in my future.

There simply hadn’t been anywhere else I could go where I could just… be. No pressure, no responsibility, no distractions. Just fresh air and my mother’s cooking and maybe some physical labor to keep me from going stir crazy.

“Natalia?” My mother comes out the front door just as I’m about to open it. “What are you doing here?”

“Hi, Mama.” I’m suddenly incredibly emotional. “I…can I stay a few days?”

She frowns but then nods. “Of course. Come in. What’s happened? Are you sick? Is it Lucianna or the baby?”

“No, no, nothing like that. I’m fine. Everyone is fine.”

“Come to the kitchen. I’m making bread. You can tell me what’s happened.”

Yeah. That might take a while.

I sink down at the kitchen table and then drop my head onto my folded arms. I’m so tired. And it has nothing to do with how much sleep I haven’t been getting.

My mother moves behind me, and I feel her warm hands on my hair, gently stroking.

“Are you pregnant?” Her voice is soft, and I can’t stop a laugh from escaping.

“No, Mama. I almost wish I was.”

She sinks into the chair next to mine. “Then tell me. What has happened?”

“Can you just listen? Without saying anything? Can I tell you a story?”

“Yes.” She nods, her eyes searching my face.

So I tell her everything, going back to my excitement about becoming a Royal Protector, my life at the palace, meeting Logan and subsequently dating him, losing him, and then almost immediately leaving for Iraq. I tell her about Passero and Seghin and the other friends I’d made. And of course, I tell her about falling in love with Ryan.

How we met, our growing friendship, and eventually realizing we had feelings for each other. I skip over what we did that last night in Iraq, but I tell her almost everything else, including what’s happening now.

When I’m finished, I rest my chin on my hand and sigh.

“I don’t understand,” she says after a moment. “Ryan is okay? They found the man who was after him and it is finished, yes?” I glossed over the details regarding Yusef.

“Yes.”

“And he is coming back to Hiskale? To you?”

“I think so, yes.”

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