Page 45 of Cooper

I’m not a good patient, so I’m going to need to get back on my feet sooner rather than later.

SIXTEEN

Natalia

Word of Cooper’sadventure into the Royal Apartment gets back to me within an hour or two and I’m both amused and horrified. I need to do a better job of showing him around, but with what time? I’m usually on duty with Casey, and by the time I’m done for the day, he’s ready for dinner and bed. I wish we had more time together, but this is the reality of my job—and my life. We need more Royal Protectors but there’s an element of trust that has to be present before anyone can even be considered, and that’s before all the specialized training. And trust isn’t something Sandor can simply run an ad to find.

Every one of us is hand-picked and usually comes with personal recommendations.

Other than me, all the current Protectors had some kind of relationship with Casey, Erik, Sandor, or Joe, whether it was a personal or a professional one. I just fell into it by luck, hard work, and a strong determination to prove myself. So I understand what a privilege it is, as well as how difficult to hire more.

It takes time to build that kind of trust, so I can’t even imagine how hard it is for Sandor to make those kinds of decisions.

Unfortunately, that safety net means we work harder than ever.

It will probably be a couple of years before we can settle into a more manageable schedule. And that’s okay. For the most part, I like my life. I make money I never would have dreamed of before this, and it’s not like I have anything to go home to. This is my life now.

Despite everything I’ve been going through, I don’t want to leave or do anything else. My demons would probably follow me anywhere I go anyway.

Except, since Cooper got here, my demons seem to be asleep. Or hiding. I’ve been sleeping well and haven’t had a single panic attack.

And I don’t know how to unpack that.

He’s becoming important to me.

Heisimportant to me.

I’m still not sure how this can possibly work out, but he seems to think there’s a way, and frankly, it takes way too much energy to be negative. We live on high alert all the time, worried about attacks, the constant imminent danger, so it feels counterproductive not to enjoy something that feels so good in my life.

I’m not naïve enough to lie to myself and pretend that everything is suddenly okay because I have a boyfriend, but it’s also silly not to enjoy something positive. He makes me happy. I like having him around. I enjoy talking to him, lying next to him at night, and knowing that he’s strong and capable. He’s everything I want in a man.

I don’t want him to hurt me, but I also don’t think I’m capable of pushing him away.

Or walking away.

I’ve just arrived at Casey’s to spend the rest of the day with her and Levi when my mother’s name flashes on the screen of my phone.

Great.

I must make a face because Casey peers over my shoulder and then wrinkles her nose. She knows I have a rough relationship with my parents.

“It’s Mom. You better answer.”

“Ugh. I’ll make it quick.” I press the button and steel myself. “Hello, Mama.”

“Natalia! Is it too much to ask to call your mother just once every month?”

“I’m sorry.” Making excuses is a waste of time, so I just let her rant for a few minutes. Finally, she finishes and starts telling me about my sisters.

“Luci is pregnant again. We will have another grandbaby!” She sounds so triumphant and giddy, I have to suppress a groan.

“Is Pieter still hitting her?” I ask.

She sighs. “I don’t know what goes on behind closed doors.”

“Mama.” I don’t like when she plays games like this.

“I have not seen bruises. I think maybe you scared him.”

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