Page 32 of Cooper

“Not really, but I spent three hours playing trains with Levi this afternoon so I’m a little stiff.”

“I don’t know if that’s good or bad.”

She grins. “Playing with Levi is fun. I have to keep eyes on him at all times, except when he’s napping or at preschool, so playing with him makes it that much easier. Casey obviously knows what to do in an emergency so my focus is making sure Levi is ready to be transported through one of the tunnels at a moment’s notice.”

“Tunnels. Sleeping half-dressed. Jesus, babe.” I walk over and lie beside her. “Is this the life you want? Like, are you happy here?”

“I am,” she says quietly. “But even if I wasn’t, the alternative for me would be much, much worse. Up where I’m from, there are no jobs. I would be married or working doing some type of menial labor. I joined the military both to be able to send money home and because they would pay for college. I never dreamed I’d become a Royal Protector, but I love being part of them. Even though it’s really difficult at the moment.”

“Joe said it’s a lifetime commitment.” There’s no question because the answer is obvious.

“It is.” She turns her head to meet my gaze. “And for me, it would be regardless of any contracts we sign or the oath we take because my parents literally could not survive without the money I send, especially in winter. My father only has seasonal work, and his mother relies on him. She’s old and stubborn, she would never leave her home, so I couldn’t even bring them here if I wanted to. Not until she passes anyway.”

“That’s a lot of pressure.”

“Sometimes. But leaving the Protectors isn’t really an option for me. There would have to be extremely extenuating circumstances. We initially sign a five-year contract, assuring the royal family that we’re serious, and then once we take the oath, it’s for life.”

“That sounds…daunting.”

“It is. So, that’s something you’ll have to live with if we decide this thing between us is more than just sex.”

TWELVE

Natalia

I’m not usually sodirect with men, but I don’t have a choice with Cooper. He’s only here for a limited time, and I’m loath to start something that could lead to a broken heart if he’s not aware of the challenges we’re facing.

Because they’re huge.

Potentially insurmountable.

I wanted him to come but now that he’s here, I’ve begun to realize how difficult it will be for us to be together.

“More than just sex?” He lifts to an elbow and gazes at me, those incredible blue eyes inscrutable. “Baby, we’ve done pretty much everythingexceptsex. We’ve been co-workers, friends, and long-distance flirting buddies. You sat with me in the hospital for a day and have been sleeping next to me for the last four nights, all with zero action. From where I’m sitting, sex is probably thesmallestpart of our relationship.”

“Is that a complaint?” I ask quietly.

“Not at all. I’ve admittedly been a little under the weather. My only point is that we’re not where we are because ofsex. That one time was amazing, and I’d love to spend a lot more time touching you, but we’ve had a few other priorities since I got here. The thing is, it feels like you’ve been keeping me at a distance. I’m starting to feel like I coerced you into letting me come do my recovery here. If you’re not comfortable with this, I can go to my mom’s. Really. I don’t want to be here unless you truly want me to be.”

“I do,” I whisper, reaching for his hand. “I want you so much it’s like a physical ache to not touch you. But I’m also a realist. You have to leave eventually. Maybe not tomorrow or next week, but next month? Three months from now when I’m head-over-heels in love with you? Then what?”

“It feels a little late to be having this conversation,” he says, his fingers coiling with mine.

Late? What does that mean? Is he already in love with me?!

Am I with him?

I’m not ready for that, but I also don’t want him to go anywhere.

“I know. I’m sorry. I want to spend time with you. I want you to be here, but what are we doing? You have to go, and I can’t go with you. I mean, I’m not a prisoner here, so I could ask to be let out of the contract. It would be difficult, and very expensive, but I can’t picture a universe where I do that. What I’m doing as a Royal Protector is important. I’m not sure how to reconcile that with the feelings I’m beginning to have for you. And honestly, after what happened with Logan, I don’t have a broken heart in me right now.”

He’s quiet for a long time and my heart sinks.

I know what has to happen, what the best course of action is, but knowing what to do doesn’t make it any easier to actually do it.

Letting him go is still going to suck.

“I’m at a crossroads with my career,” he says finally. “I’m not ready to retire and do nothing, but I don’t know that I want to stay in the military until retirement either.”

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