Page 120 of Cooper

I don’t care what Sandor does with him, as long as Lucianna can get a quick and easy divorce.

“I’m going to take a shower,” I tell them, looking at my father. “Let me know if he gives you any trouble. My gun is in my purse.”

“He won’t do shit. Go enjoy your shower.” Papa has retrieved his old hunting rifle from the upstairs closet and has it on the counter.

“I won’t be long.”

I go upstairs and get under the cool water, letting it soothe me.

I feel better than I have in days, and I realize I get off on the rush, which is something I haven’t articulated before. I like how it feels when I do my job. Especially when there’s danger involved.

How can I be so afraid the rest of the time but feel nothing at all while I’m in the midst of it? I was calm and focused, no anxiety or worry at all. It’s in the aftermath that those negative feelings creep in, causing me to doubt myself and everything I’ve been training for.

Am I losing my edge? Losing whatever it is that made Sandor and Joe think I was a good candidate to be a Royal Protector?

And yet, in a crisis, I don’t hesitate.

I can’t deny the excitement, the rush, and the pleasure I get from a job well done.

Of course, in this case, the danger came from someone in no way capable of taking on someone as skilled as I am. He’s not an assassin or a rebel; he’s just a small-town drunk who’s lost his way. I don’t believe he would hurt my mother beyond some cuts and bruises, and when he sobers up, he’ll probably be mortified. But that’s neither here nor there.

The bigger question is why I function so well in a crisis but then spiral afterward. I don’t think the others do. Certainly not Sandor or Joe or even Lennox.

So why me? What am I doing wrong?

Or is this simply how I’m built?

I doze off, since I didn’t sleep very well last night, and wake up several hours later.

I hurry to get dressed again, hoping Pieter didn’t cause anymore trouble.

There are voices in the kitchen, more than just my parents, and I hesitate, wondering if Pieter somehow got free.

But no.

I bite my lip.

I’d know that voice anywhere.

Ryan is here.

THIRTY-NINE

Cooper

When Sandor toldme he had a job for me, I wasn’t expecting to be sent to Vinake not only to pick up some sort of prisoner, but to Natalia’s parents’ house. I don’t have many details other than it has to do with Lucianna’s husband, but I’m not going to say no to any excuse to see Natalia. Once we’re in the same room together, somehow, I have to get her to talk to me.

I don’t know what kind of reception I’m going to get from her parents either, but her mother gives me a broad smile when she opens the door and then hugs me tightly. Her father pumps my hand effusively, babbling in Limaji and nodding emphatically.

I guess they’re grateful I’ve come for Pieter?

There’s no sign of Natalia as they guide me into the kitchen.

Pieter is tied up and looking a bit worse for wear. I almost chuckle at the kitchen towel used to gag him and Eleanora wags a finger in Pieter’s direction. Whatever she says makes him drop his head.

“Stupid,” she mumbles in English. “You take him.”

“I will.” I nod.

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