Page 63 of King of Ruin

I feel the laugh vibrate through his torso, his chest hair tickling my nose. I could drown in this man and I’d be happy doing it.

“Your wish is my command.”

My hand slides down his side as I bury my nose even deeper into his neck. I want to ask him how he feels but it’s never a question that’s felt fair.

Like I’m putting some kind of pressure on him to share when maybe he isn’t ready.

Or maybe I’m just afraid of how he’ll answer.

So, I don’t ask.

Instead, I relax into him. Well, even more than I was. But tired and comfortable as I am, the questions won’t let me be.Finally, I ask one of them. “We should talk about when I go home.”

“Why?” If anything, his hand presses my hips tighter to his. “There’s no rush. You can stay here for as long as you need.”

I shake my head against him as I debate what to say. I should leave it until the morning. But part of me has been stewing in that bedroom and I can’t quite hold back the words. “Roman, you have to know that’s not a good idea.”

“Why not?”

I lift my head. I can hear his irritation. His voice laced with some defensiveness. “Because…”

“I know you miss your patients, but we have the kittens now and?—”

I blink back my surprise. “Roman. It’s not about them. It’s about me. I…”

“You what?”

“I’m afraid…” I choke on the next words.

“What are you afraid of, love? Whatever it is, you know I can fix it.”

He is not making this conversation easy. I press deeper into his arms, my hands clinging to his skin. How can he save me from the heartbreak he himself will bring? I feel it as surely as I feel the skin of his back. Roman Kincaid will break me. But I don’t know how to say any of this. “I’m not good at having lovers.”

I feel him relax, his muscles loosening. “Not true. What happened tonight was next level.”

That makes me flush with heat. It’s amazing to know. And it calms some of my reservations. “Let me rephrase. I’ve never had a casual sex thing. I’ve never had any sex at all. I don’t know how. I…” I’m stumbling again, trying to make him understand that my emotions are already involved.

“Fuck. Maddie.” But maybe I said enough. Because his hand finds my chin and then he’s tipping my face up a moment before he captures my lips with his. It’s sweet and sexy all at the same time, especially when he opens my mouth, sweeping his tongue against mine.

My body heats, the kiss growing desperate as I cling to him.

It goes on and on, sleep completely forgotten, until Roman finally pulls back. I cry out a small protest.

“Baby, you’re too new at this, we have to stop now.”

“I don’t want?—"

“We can’t get too deep tonight, your body needs to recover and you need your sleep.” Then he gives me another soft kiss, meant to soothe, not excite. My mouth clings to his. “But this isn’t casual for me, either.”

I shake my head. It can’t be true. “Nobody stays around to love me, Roman.” I didn’t mean it like that. Not like he has to be in love. “Not that I expect you to love me like that. I mean caring?—"

He hugs me tight to his chest. “I know what you meant and it’s not true. Lucia loves you. Your grandmother did too.”

“I love them both too.”

“So maybe everyone doesn’t choose to be in your life. Maybe it’s just a few. But the people who choose it, Maddie, I think they choose it all the way. No reservations. No hesitation.”

He’s not talking about himself, is he? Again, I don’t ask. I’ve already put enough pressure on him. “You can’t know that.”

---