Page 7 of Dared

“You’re lucky I’m bored. Give me a controller, and I’ll show you how it’s done.”

4

Lies, lies, and more lies. Why had I given Finn a fake name in the first place? Okay, I knew why, but my reasons were looking increasingly flimsy the more I thought about them. When he’d initially called me, I’d been so panicked about my real self not stacking up to my online persona I’d thrown out the first name I could think of. When I was Erik or Viking, I wasn’t Leo. I could be a bit braver. I could manage to speak to my online friend on the phone like a normal person—whatever normal was. I could tell him things that Leo never could. It was like I was getting to speak to him from behind my online shield, even though we were talking on a phone with our real voices. And I knew his real name.

Somehow, it had never crossed my mind that he’d be a student at my university. The fact was, outside our online friendship, I spoke to a grand total of four people regularly andone semi-regularly—my dad, who was in Salisbury. I was in my own insular world, and the outside rarely penetrated.

Finn clearly had no idea it had been me at the rehearsal. And why would he? I’d told him I was doing a degree in computing, but I’d never told him I was also studying for a minor in dance. When he’d brought up the fact that he’d actually been at my rehearsal and noticed me freeze up onstage, I hadn’t been lying when I told him I felt sick. The nausea had been sudden and uncontrollable, and I’d spent a miserable few hours curled into a ball on my bed, breathing through waves of sickness and contemplating just how badly I’d fucked things up with the one person I’d ever connected with online. The person I thought I could call a friend, who’d probably never speak to me again when he found out the truth.

Why can’t I be normal? Why can’t I be like everyone else? What’s wrong with me?

A tear trickled down my cheek and I angrily wiped it away. Just to torture myself some more, I picked up my phone, reading back through the group chat with JJ and Alyssa I’d had two days ago, right after the dance rehearsal.

JJ:

So so proud of you today Leo. You pushed through the nerves and put on an amazing performance

Alyssa! I’m so proud of you too. You were fucking incredible

ALYSSA:

You were amazing! Both of you! I feel lucky I get to dance with you guys

ME:

Thanks *heart emoji* I made a few mistakes. You were both perfect

JJ:

We all made mistakes, but I can guarantee that no one watching would have noticed. You were really good Leo. Don’t doubt yourself. You’re a talented dancer

ALYSSA:

I second this! Dream team *heart emoji*

Reading their messages had warmed me all over, but the warmth disappeared when I scrolled to the later messages. The ones right after my disastrous conversation with Finn. The question was burning inside me, and Ineededto know.

ME:

Who came to watch us dance today?

ALYSSA:

Other than your friend Niall, there were my friends Erin and Amy. JJ’s housemates Ander, Elliot, Charlie and Levi. JJ? Who was the other one?

Wait I think JJ’s out tonight so he might not see this. I can check with Erin, I know she talked to a couple of them

I remembered his name! Finn from the football team

Finn from the football team.

There was the confirmation, right there on my screen. Finn was the person I’d been pouring my heart out to. The personwho’d become my friend. It had taken another two days after finding out his name for me to crack, but now here I was, stalking him online. First, I searched for his social media accounts. It didn’t take long—from JJ, I went to Ander, and there he was, in the list of people Ander was following.

Finn Carsley.

Now, I studied his photos. At first glance, he was a typical athlete type, like Ander. There were pictures of him shirtless on a beach playing football, showing his toned muscles. Laughing with his friends in a bar, his brown hair tousled and his deep blue eyes sparkling as he beamed, his defined jaw dusted with stubble. He was obviously popular, an athlete, and yes, he playedLesath Legendsonline with me, but I was easily replaceable. There were thousands of other players online, and I was sure the majority of them carried a lot less baggage than I did.

My decision was made. I pulled up my text message thread with Finn. The sooner I accepted the fact that I’d ruined everything between us with my lies, the sooner we could both move on.

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