Page 53 of Dared

“Sorry. Yeah. Nah, it’ll be fine. We’ll make sure you’re ready, don’t worry. We’ve got your back.”

I appreciated their support, but it didn’t stop the feeling of sheer dread that filled me. “I just hope I don’t fuck it up. I can’t… I didn’t know we’d have to do it on our own. In front of industry professionals.”

“Yeah. The worst part is gonna be the questions.”

Questions? I frantically scanned the email, my hand clamping over my mouth when I got to the part of the message I hadn’t read yet because I’d been too busy panicking about having to do a presentation in the first place.

Up to ten minutes allowed for questions from the panel.

The panel, which consisted of my lecturer, another member of the computing faculty, and two industry professionals.

“I feel sick,” I mumbled, doubling over and trying to remember how to breathe.

“It’s gonna be okay. You did good in our last presentation after you remembered what to say.” Niall tried to reassure me, but his words seemed meaningless. One, because we all knew how much I’d struggled to do it, and two, because my brain would never convince me otherwise.

“Why is my brain like this?” I lowered my head to my desk, closing my eyes.

Connor cleared his throat. “Give me your hand.”I obediently held out my hand, and he pressed something cool and hard ontothe pad of my index finger. He muttered something to himself that I didn’t catch, and then he spoke more loudly. “Finn…? No, it’s Connor… Yeah, he’s, uh, I guess he’s okay, but I think you should come over… Yeah, right now, if you’re free… Alright, see you soon.”

I lifted my head from the desk, staring at him. “Did you just call Finn from my phone?”

He nodded. “Thank me later. Wanna play a bit of FIFA while we’re waiting?” Before I could reply either way, he forcibly dragged me out of my chair and down the hallway to our tiny communal area. He pushed me down on the sofa, handed me a controller, and he and Niall took a seat on either side of me, trapping me in place.

Their distraction technique worked for a little while, getting me out of my head as I focused on the game, but then the guilt began to pile up. People always had to go out of their way for me. No one else seemed to be this fucking needy. My friends were having to sit here and stop me from spiralling into a panic attack instead of whatever else they’d been planning to do, and now Finn was having to come here when I knew for a fact he had a study session planned today with some of his course mates.

Why can’t you be normal?I asked myself for the thousandth time.

“Sorry,” I muttered.

Next to me, Connor sighed. “Don’t.”

“But—”

“The S-word is banned. C’mon, don’t worry about anything else. Just play.”

“Yeah. We’re about to win this match,” Niall added, knocking me with his shoulder, and I breathed out. Okay. My brain was twisting my thoughts again. Fucking hell, being in my head was exhausting.

The doorbell sounded, and Connor paused the game, jumping up. When he returned, he had Finn in tow. Finn, who looked a little out of breath, like he’d been running?—

Everything crashed down on me at once. I turned on him, my words lashing through the space between us. “Did you run here?”

His eyes widened. “Uh. I needed the exercise?” He gave me a sheepish smile.

“Yeah, the fit footballer needs exercise.” I launched myself to my feet. “Stop, all of you! I don’t want to be this huge fucking burden where you feel like you have to come running every time you think I might start spiralling. It makes me feel even worse, and you’re having to go out of your way to fucking babysit me when you’ve got much better things to do with your time. I don’t need you to do this, okay? I don’t want you to! I’m fine on my own! Just fucking stop!”

There was a stunned silence, and I gasped, clapping my hand over my mouth, horrified at my outburst.

But there was no taking the words back.

“Shit. I-I’m sorry,” I whispered and fled the room, barricading myself in my bedroom with a locked door and a chair in front of it for good measure.

My actions were predictably followed by a hammering on the wood, making the door vibrate.

“Leo!”

Connor.

I ignored him, and the banging eventually stopped. Collapsing onto my bed with stinging eyes, I stared up at the ceiling. I’d just managed to mess things up with three of my friends in one go, and I wasn’t sure if they’d even forgive me. Theyshouldn’tforgive me.

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