Page 30 of Marry Your Best Friend

I nod, looking over his shoulder instead of into his eyes. It scares me how good Gabe can read me sometimes, and I don’t want him to see what I’mthinking right now. He puts a hand at my waist and guides me to the bathroom. He stops next to the shower stall, reaches in, and turns on the water.

When there is steam coming from the water, he turns to me. “I’m going to help you, okay?”

My breath comes out in little pants. How many times have I dreamed about this scenario but it was never like this, not for these reasons. “I can shower myself, Gabe.”

He puts one of his big rough hands on my cheek gently. He wipes his thumb under my eye and wipes a tear away that I didn’t even realize was there. The emotions are so heavy they are weighing me down.

He pulls me toward him and presses a kiss to my forehead. “Let me take care of you, Chrissy. I need to do this, okay?”

When he releases his hold on me, he searches my eyes, and I give in. I can’t tell him no—heck, I don’t want to. “Okay.”

He squats down in front of me and puts a hand on each side of my waist. He tugs the material of my scrub pants down, and I put my hands on his shoulder as I step out of them. He does my underwear next, and I’m holding a breath as I stepout of them and his head is right there next to my nether regions.

He stands up then, and I avoid his eyes. He takes off my shirt and then my bra. He’s very methodical about it all, and the whole time, I feel like my heart is going to explode from my chest. Gently, he helps me into the shower. First, with my back to him, he washes my hair. The hot water is beating down on my chest as he pulls his fingers through my hair. He’s standing in the shower with me, fully clothed, avoiding the spray of water. He turns me to rinse my hair, but then as soon as he’s done, he spins me so my back is to him again.

He grabs a washcloth off the rack, and I hear the squirt of the soap. He’s gentle as he washes my body. Never in my life have I had someone treat me the way Gabe does. He loves me, and of course I want him to love me, but it’s not the kind of love I want from him. I’m not sure when the tears start, but they start to pour from my eyeballs. The emotions from the last few days have finally caught up to me, and I can’t control them now. My body starts to shake with convulsive sobs. “Oh honey,” Gabe says, and before I know it, I’m wrapped up in his arms and he just holds me. He doesn’t tell me to stop crying or that things are going to getbetter; he just holds me while I let the emotions take over.

We stand there until the water starts to turn cold, and only then does he let me go. He finishes washing me, and then we both step out of the stall. Gabe takes off his clothes until he’s standing in his underwear, and then he wraps a towel around my head first and then my body. I feel numb as I just stand here and watch him as he dries himself off.

When he’s done, he grabs the nightshirt and slides it over my head. “I’m going to grab your panties. I’ll be right back.”

He walks out of the bathroom, and it’s only when he comes back with tinged cheeks do I think about the fact he probably saw my battery operated toy in my underwear drawer. He leans down, holding up my panties, and I step into them. He pulls them up my hips and then pulls my shirt back down.

“Come on, honey. I’m going to blow dry your hair.”

He grabs my brush off the top of the counter and my blow dryer from under the sink and then walks out of the bathroom. I pad behind him, and he pulls out the chair at my vanity. I sit down and look at him in the mirror. He smiles at me and thengets to work. He takes off the towel wrapped around my hair and then brushes it easily. As he dries it, he’s pulling it tight with the brush and curling the ends. It seems like he’s had a lot of practice with this, and I don’t want to ask him how. Since my hair isn’t that thick, it dries quickly, and before I know it, he’s walking me to bed and tucking me in.

I grab on to his hand. “Don’t leave, Gabe.”

He sits down on the edge of the bed and puts a hand on my shoulder. “Do you really think I’d leave you alone tonight?”

I shake my head.

“I’m going to get myself cleaned up, okay? And then I’ll be right back.”

I’m so selfish. I didn’t even think about him. He probably wanted to shower too. He worked all night, and who knows what his day was like. I didn’t even ask him. “Yeah, okay. I have a drawer of your stuff. You have some underwear, socks, and clothes in there.”

He nods and stands up. “I’ll be right back.”

He stops next to the dresser, and I call out to him, “It’s the bottom drawer.”

He opens it and pulls out a pair of underwear and then closes the drawer. When he disappearsinto the bathroom, he shuts the door, and I lay my head back down. I replay the events from the day and how through it all, I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it without him. Gabe makes everything in my life better, and no matter what, I can’t lose him. I wish I could make him see we're perfect for each other.

14

GABE

As soon as I walk into the bathroom, I close the door and bang my head against it. I’m going on no sleep, exhaustion, grief, and desire. It’s a hard mix of emotions to deal with, but I know I can’t succumb to them all now.

I turn the water on, but it doesn’t heat up. The hot water tank must be empty, which could be a good thing because a cold shower is what I need right now. I step under the spray of the ice cold water and let it run down my body. I close my eyes, and I’m thinking of Chrissy’s naked curves. I shouldn’t be thinking about her, and guilt weighs heavily on my chest. I get cleaned up, not wanting to be away from her long. I’ve never seen her hit this hard, and I don’t want to be away from her.

I wash quickly, get dried off, and pull on the clean underwear, and then before I open the bathroom door, I try to get myself together. I can do this. She needs me right now, and I can put my needs to the side.

Determined, I walk out of the bathroom and go over to the bed, pull back the covers, and lie down. Chrissy turns to face me, and I wait to see if she wants to be held or not. When she doesn’t move any closer, I try not to be disappointed. “You doing okay, Chrissy? I know that’s a stupid question but—”

She is resting her head on her hands. “It’s not stupid. I’m okay, I guess. I feel numb, if that makes sense.”

“Yeah, honey. It does.”

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