She smiles, shaking her head. “It never started, Gabe. It was one night.”
“It meant more than a one-night stand, and you know it. You were there, Chrissy, and don’t act like it didn’t mean anything to you. I don’t know what this is, but I’m not letting you end it because you’re scared.”
She juts her chin at me. “I’m not scared.”
I’m practically panicking at the way she’s keeping her emotions on lockdown. I’m just going to say it. I should have said it to her the other day before I went into work. “I love you.”
She doesn’t seem happy or surprised by my statement. She just nods her head. “I know you do. Since the day we met you’ve taken care of me.”
I lean my back against her car door and cross my arms over my chest. It’s either that or I’m going to reach for her. “It’s more than that, and you know it.”
She looks so sad. “It’s not. You feel obligated to me. I’m like your little sister—”
I cut her off and hold a hand up. “No offense, honey, but there’s not any part of me that thinks of you as my sister.”
She clenches her eyes shut and opens themagain. “Think about this, Gabe. We have sex a few times, and then you meet another girl—”
“That’s not going to fuckin’ happen!”
She stomps her foot. “Gabe, listen to what I’m saying. I’m giving you an out.”
I grit my teeth. “I don’t want or need an out.”
She sighs, tilting her head. “Will you please hear me out?”
“Fine,” I grunt.
She nods. “If you met another woman, you wouldn’t leave me.”
I nod, because finally we’re getting somewhere. “You’re right there. I wouldn’t leave you. I’m not a cheater, Chrissy. I would think you know that about me.”
She rolls her eyes. “That’s not my point. My point is that you would never let yourself hurt me. You couldn’t do it.”
Dumbfounded, I stare at her. “I’m lost. How is that a bad thing?”
She takes a step back from me. “You’re not hearing me. Even if you were unhappy with me, you wouldn’t leave me. You would just stay with me because you wouldn’t be able to bring yourself to hurt me. You’d feel obligated to stay with me.” Shesucks in a deep breath and lets it out. “I don’t want to be an obligation to you.”
“Chrissy, baby, this is—”
She shakes her head. “You had sex with me because you felt bad for me. I practically threw myself at you and didn’t give you much of a choice—”
I take a step toward her and don’t stop until we’re toe to toe. This is getting ridiculous. “I didn’t sleep with you because I felt bad for you. I slept with you because for the past three years you are all I think about. You wanted to know why I haven’t been dating, and I only told you half the truth. The other part of it is the fact that you’re the one I wanted. I told myself I couldn’t lose you as a friend, and that’s why I never acted on it, but trust me, feeling bad for you never had anything to do with the other night.”
She opens her mouth and then closes it. I lift my hand and cup her cheek, and she shakes her head, stepping away from me again. “I can’t do this right now, Gabe.”
“Look, I know this is the absolute worst time to deal with this, but I can’t handle you ignoring me. We’ve never…” I suck in a breath. “You’ve never ignored me, and honestly, it’s freaking me out a bit because I don’t want to lose you either, Chrissy.”
Her face is void of any emotion. “I can’t do this right now, Gabe. We have to go eat dinner with our family and act like everything is normal. They don’t need this stress of me and you arguing on top of everything else.”
Tears start to fall from her eyes, and I pull her to me. She comes to me instantly, and I wrap her up in my arms. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.”
I stroke my hand down her back and try to soothe her. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. The most important thing is that we get through today. I shouldn’t have pressured you. Fuck! I’m so sorry, Chrissy. I’ve been crazy with worry the last few days, but we don’t have to decide anything right now.”
I keep whispering to her, trying to convince her it’s going to be okay, and when she lifts her head, I use my thumbs to wipe her tears away. “Look, you’re my best friend, and I need you. We’re going to go to Holden and Cat’s for dinner. We’re going to drink, cry, talk, and reminisce about Ledger, and we’re going to do it together. Okay? Forget everything else. Let’s just get through today.”
She sniffs and nods her head. “Okay, yeah, that’s what we should do.”
“Do you want to ride with me? I can bring you back to your car later.”