Page 71 of Command and Control: GHOST Operative

"Fuck." I rake one hand through my hair as I stand up. Pointing at the two women sitting behind my desk, I shoot each of them a glare. "This is your fault." Heidi draggedPierce into my life in the first place, and Julieanne is the one turning me fucking inside out and forcing me to see things a different way. She has the decency to look guilty, but Heidi just grins at me, unashamed of the turmoil she's caused in my life.

"I'm going to do rounds." I stride out of the office, doing my best to wear the mask I've kept in place for decades, but the fucking thing doesn't seem to fit right anymore.

And that’s their fault too. Because, if I consider that Pierce might have been my friend, I have to consider Heidi is too.

Initially I pinpointed the unraveling of my life as the moment Julieanne smiled at me, but there's a possibility it happened before that. She might have simply been the catalyst that shoved me over the edge.

That revelation has me storming through the halls, struggling with what all of it means. I’m moving fast enough when I hit the door that my entrance into the pit has everyone looking up, turning my way like they're expecting me to start barking out orders. Unfortunately, I have no orders to give. Not when it comes to Julieanne’s situation anyway. And that adds another emotion for me to grapple with besides the guilt making me scowl.

Fear. I’ve worked hard not to have to face it again. Done everything in my power to ensure I didn't care enough about another person to worry over their well-being. Yet here I am. Fucked sideways by Julieanne and a few assholes I can't help but like.

I check in with Elias, going over all our current jobs instead of just asking what he's found regarding Julieanne. He seems relieved by the change, and quickly briefs me on where we stand on each op. All of them are going well, so Ilinger for a while, moving around the space and among my employees, many of whom have worked for me for years.

Fuck me. I think I might like these bastards too.

I’ve just finished my first lap of the upper tier when the entry door opens and Amos comes in. He scans the room before realizing I'm only a few feet from him, tips his head toward the hall, and I follow him out.

"One of my teams just got back. Thought you’d want to touch base with them about the op."

It's not something I normally do—usually Amos handles all that and relays any relevant information to me—but my second might have noticed I've been a little bit detached from the workings of my company the past few... Months.

I jerk my head in a nod. "I do."

I glance around the room once more, refusing to offer anything but my usual frown. Because, while I might be forced to admit I like some of the people surrounding me, I haven't yet become a complete sap. I’m not the type to ask about children or family vacations.

And I won’t ever be.

Amos stays at my side as we exit the room and stride down the hall, following me away from the pit into the portion of the building set up for the more hands-on portion of GHOST. I find one of the teams sorting through gear and breathe a sigh of relief when I see everyone is accounted for and appears unharmed.

Fuck it all. Maybe I am a goddamned sap.

"Team." All their eyes come to me, widening slightly at my presence. "Should I assume everything went as planned?"

Darius, the lead of this particular team, stands andstarts laying out the events of their op. As he’s speaking, I glance over and see Amos has gone on about his day, leaving me on my own. It's another good idea. Keeping him between us was probably lazy of me. I should spend more time here. Make more of an effort to be present in all aspects. Even if I take a small step back, I should still stay more on top of things than I have been.

Darius finishes explaining the complete success they had, and I thank them before I leave. They all look at me like I have two heads when I show appreciation, and at this point I wouldn't be surprised to discover I do.

My steps are quick as I go back to my office, ready to be close to Julieanne again. It's ridiculous how much I crave her. How much I need her brightness in my life. It's been so dark for so long, and now that I know what it's like having her near me, I feel like I'm drowning when she's not.

But when I walk into my office, Heidi is alone behind the desk.

I scan the room like I might have missed her. "Where's Julieanne?"

Heidi doesn't glance up, just keeps working. "She went for some coffee."

Heidi’s still not looking at me, so I don't bother saying anything else. I go straight to the breakroom, steps quick enough my men would judge me if they could see the way I’m fucking chasing a woman around, but I don’t fucking care.

I stop short when I reach the room, irritated when Julieanne isn’t there. I do a quick check of the bathroom, but it's empty too.

My next stop is the pit, where I expect to see her downwith Elias, but he sits alone at his desk. My eyes snap around the dim space but there's no sign of the dark-haired woman who has changed more than I ever imagined.

"Elias." I wait for him to turn to me. "Has Julieanne been here?"

He shakes his head. "I haven't seen her."

My stomach twists uncomfortably. I know I shouldn't be panicking. I know she's here somewhere. There's no way for her to get out. All the doors lock automatically and, because I'm an asshole, I haven't added her prints into the system. I liked that she needed me. I liked knowing where she was.

And knowing she has to be here somewhere is the only thing that keeps me from sprinting back to my office. But when she's not sitting behind the desk, my pulse spikes. "How long has Julieanne been gone?"

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