Page 64 of Command and Control: GHOST Operative

I disconnect the call and have the next number loaded before my brain catches up. My thumb stops just above the send button, hovering as I realize I can't make this call. Not because Heidi wouldn’t try to help me—she would. But helping me would not only put her employment on the line, it would also likely cause issues in her relationship since she’s with one of the team leads at Alaskan Security.

"Fuck." I clear the screen and rake my hands through my hair, pissed at myself for being so fucking vain. So fucking stupid. I should have just accepted there was no way for me to get around Julieanne. The second I saw her smile it was over. I was always going to find her. Always going to claim her for myself.

If I hadn’t waited six fucking months to accept theinevitable, we wouldn't be in any of this shit. She wouldn't have been at her condo long enough to be tracked down by whoever the fuck did this. And I never would've started a fight with Alaskan Security, effectively cutting off my own fucking nose to spite my own fucking face.

But I was too damn weak to admit I was already done for. Too weak to admit I wasn’t the man I used to be. And it’s all because of her.

Accepting that Julieanne’s presence has changed me is a tough pill to swallow. One I've been choking on for far too long, but I'm at the point where I can't avoid taking it down. There's too much proof staring me in the face.

And that's why I only have one option left. An option I never expected to use. But I don't have a choice.

I push the chair back and stand, grabbing my phone and tucking it into my pocket before going down the hall in search of my solution. I find her on the sofa, sprawled across the plush cushions, Radar curled tight into her side as she cackles at whatever show she's watching on the television.

Julieanne’s so engrossed she doesn't immediately notice me, and I take advantage of the opportunity to take this moment in. Take her in.

I always knew my life was empty, but that was by design. Allowing another person close wasn't a risk I was willing to take. I know firsthand what it feels like to lose someone who matters more than anything, and that wasn't going to happen to me twice.

But now I also know what it feels like not to have that person, and I think it might be fucking worse. Knowing Julieanne was out there and I couldn't touch her made me fucking unhinged. Unhinged enough to easily cross linesmost people would balk at. I don't fucking care. Every bit of what I did was needed and necessary and worth it to have her here now, that smile that first pulled me in lighting up everything around her.

And now, around me.

"Pause your show, Jules."

Her eyes come my way, and she gives me that life ruining smile as she sits up, her gaze dragging down my frame. "Okay."

I know what she's thinking, and now I'm thinking it too, but that has to wait. I need her safe more than I need to sink into her wet willing body. But not by much.

"We're going to headquarters."

Her eyes widen as she shifts on the sofa. "Again?"

I tip my head in a small nod. "Again."

She looks so perfect in the spot that only I used to sit, and I check my watch, thinking maybe I have enough time to pin her against the cushions and fuck her until she’s screaming my name. But if I start making allowances like that, I’ll never get anything done. Instead, I turn my back and start to walk away, removing the sight of the temptation I’ve never been strong enough to resist. "Get dressed. We'll leave as soon as you're ready."

I go straight back down the hall, refusing to slow my steps before closing myself into my office. Knowing she's so close, peeling away her pajamas, will likely prove just how weak I am when it comes to her. I’ve done highly questionable things to have her here with me.

And I’ll do highly questionable things to keep her.

I drop down behind my desk, staring at my computer, fingers finding their way to the keyboard before I can stop them. I don't want to cause problems for Heidi—I don't.But I need Julieanne to be safe. The thought of something happening to her now—

Bile crawls up my throat, bringing along old memories of desperation. Of unending pain and suffering. Of loss. Reminding me what will happen to me if I lose someone else I care about.

And I won't fucking survive it this time.

That's what convinces me. I open my private, encrypted email—one no one at GHOST knows exists and no one on Alaskan Security will ever find—and type out a quick message to Heidi, clicking send before what remains of my conscience can stop me.

"I'm ready." Julieanne’s voice on the other side of my door pulls me to my feet, slamming the laptop closed. I straighten just as she opens the door, her sweet smile eradicating any guilt I might be trying to feel over dragging Heidi into this.

Because I would drag anyone to the pits of hell to keep that smile.

Julieanne smoothes down her front, dragging my attention from her face to what she's wearing, and the need to pin her down and fuck her becomes almost overwhelming.

I know she's mine. She knows she's mine. But now, everyone else will know she's mine.

She’s dressed head to toe in black. Her jeans are so well fitted they might as well be painted onto her lush frame. The short boots on her feet won't be useful in any sort of snow, but the small heel lifts her off the ground enough to elongate the curve of her legs. The sweater she's wearing is oversized and baggy draping past the curve of her ass.

An ass that also now belongs to me.

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