Page 27 of The Lottery

It is quiet as well as dark, and the lack of sound and sight makes me hyper aware. Of her breath against my skin. Of every brush of her arm against mine. My senses are focused on her and nothing else.

“Metis,” I say, doing my best to keep calm. “Status update.”

“Level one is undergoing a routine circuit surge,” the computer responds. “All fuses will be checked and serviced, then power will be restored.”

Azalea exhales deeply. “I was worried it would be the whole ship and we’d like… fall out of the sky or something.”

I chuckle lightly. “The benefit of outer space. We will never fall, only float.”

Azalea shifts next to me, as though she is trying to find something in the darkness.

“I can’t see my own hand,” she says.

“Does it frighten you?” There is no light from anywhere, and I would not blame anyone for being frightened.

“No,” she says, surprising me. “It’s actually… relaxing. The absence of all the visual stimulus is kind of refreshing.”

She shifts again, her hand resting on my leg as she adjusts her weight. I instinctively move a hand to her back to offer support—and to distract myself from the delicate fingers on my thigh.

I hear her quick intake of breath when we touch and know she must be feeling something similar. I cannot be the only one imagining this connection.

Then again, would it not be better if I were? Is it not better to suffer alone than to know the woman I am growing to care for also suffers? Surely Metis paired Azalea with Robert for a reason. They are together, they will find happiness.

I have to remind myself of these facts every hour, if not every minute.

We sit in the dark for a while longer, each breathing in the silence of the other.

Her presence calms me in a way nothing else ever has, even as the occasional touch sends my heart beating frantically against my ribs. I am a ball of contradictions around her, but in the most delicious way.

“What will you miss most about Earth?” she asks after a long silence.

This is a difficult question. I have lived so much of my life making plans to leave Earth, I cannot recall when I last took a moment to appreciate my planet. How do I explain such a thing without her looking at me as if I am a monster?

“I do not know the answer to that. I think I have brought all that I would miss with me.”

I have brought very little, to be honest. At least not in the way of personal possessions. I brought a few people I care about, and I brought the last I could of humanity. By a strange stroke of fate, I also brought the woman by my side. If she is the only thing I save from Earth, that is enough.

She sighs at my answer. “I could not have brought all that I would miss,” she says. “I would have had to bring the planet herself.”

“I hope in time you will come to love Mars the way you do Earth,” I say, my heart breaking for the recency of her loss. I said my goodbyes to Earth years ago when I saw its destined fate. For Azalea, the wound is still very fresh.

She reaches for my hand and squeezes once again. “I hope the same for you. And for everyone here. That you come to love Mars the way I love Earth. If you do, maybe we won’t destroy our next planet as well.”

The lights snap back on, startling us from our discussion. She pulls her hand away and moves to stand.

I debate if I should respond, but I have no idea what to say, so I remain quiet.

“Power is restored,” Metis announces, as though our simple human brains cannot perceive obvious fact.

“Thank you,” I reply, with a touch of sarcasm that I am certain Metis will not detect.

As much as it pains me, I assume this signals the end of my time together with Azalea. However, when I turn back to face her, she seems confused.

“Is something wrong?” I ask.

“No. I just…” She looks a bit embarrassed as her eyes move around the cargo hold. “I get lost every time I come down here since the shelves and containers keep getting moved around. I’ve always been trash with directions, but this is kind of ridiculous.”

I smile, grateful to have an excuse to spend a few more minutes with her. “Not at all. This level is a perplexing jumble of supplies. I can walk with you to the residences. I’m headed there myself.”

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