Page 59 of I Am the Night

I consider him a moment before replying. "Our goodness lies in our choices, which means we are, each moment, given opportunities to reinvent ourselves. You can be whoever you choose to be."

"I wish I believed that," he says, staring into the ocean.

"Have you come to say goodbye again?" I ask, my heart hurting.

"I don't know why I'm here, except that whenever I'm away from you too long, a heaviness grows in me that I cannot carry."

"Then stay," I say simply, but I know he will not. It is not yet who he is choosing to be.

"Can I kiss you?" he asks, and I'm surprised, not by the fact that he wants this, but that he asked permission.

I answer by turning to him and tilting my head up.

His arms encircle my waist, landing low on my hips as he steps closer to me, so that our bodies are pressed together.

My darkness reaches for his, my light as well, the two mingling with his dual magic, and the completion I feel at his closeness is a bittersweet balm that soothes even as it burns. I feel my heart breaking again, just a little, as he teases at my lips, tasting me. I slide my arms over his shoulders, through his thick black hair, deeming the kiss he began, tasting him in all his darkness and light.

And I feel the moment he begins to dematerialize, disintegrating like mist in my arms. When I open my eyes, he is gone, and I wonder if I will ever see Cole Night again.

* * *

Over the next few days,I bury myself in my art. I feel a compulsion to draw, to create portraits of the people I love most in the world. I try not to view it as saying goodbye, but there's no denying there is an element of that in all that I do.

Still, I'd like to think that I would have come to this place eventually, that space within myself where I see how important it is to show people how you feel about them before it's too late.

I still haven't heard from Lilith, and none of the brothers have found anything new, so our plan basically relies on luck.

With that in mind, I teleport myself to Kaya's grove where I know Lily will be.

I find the two of them leaning against Kaya's massive tree, arms intertwined, love glowing in them both.

When Lily sees me, she frowns and stands. "Eve! Is everything okay? Did something happen?"

"No, everyone is fine. I just… " I pause. This is harder to do than I'd imagined. "Can we talk? All three of us," I ask, glancing at Kaya.

They invite me to join them and I take a seat on the soft mossy earth and pull out the drawing I have for them. "I made this for the two of you," I say, handing it to them.

It's one of my most unique drawings, done on a large dried leaf using only pigments made from natural sources. I've secured it to a piece of wood that was donated by one of the trees I worked with in the new world. It's a portrait of both of them, their more human forms in front, with their trees behind them.

Lily's eyes fill with tears. "This is amazing. Thank you!" She leans over to hug me and I squeeze her tight, then pull away.

"There's something else," I say. "I need you to promise me something."

She nods, and Kaya holds her hand.

"If this showdown with the queen goes south, as it very well could, I need you to get our family and our friends out of this world as quickly as possible. The Nights, the kids, the Ifrits, the Gargoyles, Lilith and her household, everyone. Can you do that?"

"You mean if the world ends and you die?" she asks softly.

"Yes. That's what I mean."

Tears fill her eyes and she looks to Kaya, who nods. "We will," Kaya says as Lily swipes at a tear. "You have our word."

Relief floods me. Knowing my loved ones will be safe makes this a little easier, though I wish there was a way I could save everyone in this world, not just the ones I know personally. It's not fair or right, but I'm doing my best. This is all just a shit situation however you look at it.

I take Lily's hand. "I'm so glad to know you," I say. "You are full of life and love and laughter, and you have become one of the best friends I have ever had. Thank you."

We spend the afternoon visiting, walking through the groves and talking about our lives, then I head to the Mausoleum and repeat this all with my friends there.

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