Page 52 of Crush

The intensity of his stare made it feel like he was inside my head, connected and could easily unearth my darkest secrets. Bare witness to that hurt child of my past; an impressionable teenager believing she was in love for the first time. All that corrupted innocence would bubble back to the surface.

“Why don’t you tell me about him?” Max prodded further.

Him.

Inhaling, I managed to come to my senses. I was a strong confident woman now, not a victim. No one would manipulate me into giving anything away if I wasn’t ready.

“How do you know it was a man?” I said, looking up at him through my lashes.

“I didn’t until now. You have a very expressive face, freckles.”

Freckles. Fuck! My breath caught in my throat as Zanderflashedinto my thoughts. That was whatheused to call me.

“Are you OK?” Max suddenly said as he placed a hand on my shoulder.

I suddenly felt like I couldn’t breathe.

“Here, sit down. I’ll get you a drink,” Max suggested wrapping his hands around my shoulders and leading me to a chair.

The leather creaked under my weight and I watched Max through a haze of discomfort as he went over to my father’s drinks trolly.

Twistedthey had called Zander at the time, and they had been right, but I had been blind and too mind-numbingly stubborn to see it. A confused child in the throes of becoming a womanracingahead before she was well and truly ready. A grieving, malleable girl with a sheltered backgroundpluckedfrom her gilded cage. That version of myself hadn’t stood a chance.

Once the realisation of the truth sucker punched me a year or so later, I had tried so hard to protect myself. Honing my sharp tongue and shitty disposition, but this man appeared to see through all my bullshit. He made me feel that weakness from my past; dragging me back to when I’d felt exposed.

And the truth of that hit me hard.

A crystal tumbler was shoved into my shaking hands with the instruction, “Drink.”

And I did, the burn of my father’s favourite malt was welcome and I swallowed the entire contents.

“Easy,” Max said, dropping down onto his haunches in front of my knees. He took the glass from my fingers and placed it on the hearth by his side; he then wrapped his hands over mine, and I welcomed his soothing touch.

“Better?”

I nodded my head, suddenly feeling foolish. I hated how the shadows of the past still hung over me.

As Max pushed to his feet and pulled me up slowly by my hands, I stared at his chest.

“Anyone in there?” he said, with a finger under my chin. As he drew my head up, his eyes bore into me and he took a slight step back, probably to give me the air that I needed, but my body naturally swayed towards his.

Safe.This man made me feel many things but that all-important one was at the top of the list and nowglaringlyobvious.

Yes, he reminded me of my past but maybe that wasn’t bad. As he said, if you don’t exercise your demons they stay with you.

My mouth parted as I looked up at Max. Couldhefill the space inside me? Even if it was just a one-night-only deal?

The intense attraction between us was fierce and glaringly obvious to some. Why not listen to them andtakefrom this man? Allow the chemistry to reel us together? I didn’t have to let him in, emotionally. My barrier could remain intact, my heart protected, but I would receive something I craved.

So far, other men I had been with had done very little for me, they were more like starters with the main course never being served. I needed a strong man and one who would understand my kinks but respect that there were boundaries. Surely it would be foolish to pass up on the opportunity. To have the chance to sate myself and ease that sexually frustrated side. I had heard about the colourful side of Max’s sex life and if it were all true, he was about as far from vanilla as you could get. Just what the doctor ordered.

Why not scratch the itch once and be done with it? As they say, something’s got to give. But what if I let him in physically and he dug deeper and penetrated my defences? What if Max could claw at my soul and make it his?

Should I go for it and sod the consequences? I was tired of feeling so numb all the time and if there was a man to shake things up, it was this guy.

It was hard but I dragged my gaze away and looked up at my mother.

“You miss her,” Max whispered, a thread of sympathy in his tone.

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