Page 30 of Crush

Although now Rory also seemed to be steering clear of me and I wondered if Max had something to do with that. I had messaged him to say a family emergency had pulled me away from Felice’s that night. Rory’s reply had been understanding but brief. To be honest, I should have been relieved, apart from being a noisy chewer, if hewasone of those men who bragged about their conquests, I certainly didn’t want to be one of them.

It was now the weekend and I was spending the afternoon with Hannah, a party planner I had paid to assist with the arrangements for my father’s seventieth birthday party. The event was going to take place at our family estate and the guest list was vast. The Swift family celebrated birthdays in style, no expense was spared,especiallymilestone ones.

For my twenty-first, my father bought me a Bugatti sports car. I couldn’t even drive. I imagined he’d done it to encourage me to take lessons, but I hadn’t had the chance so far. Now being a new ‘career’ woman, maybe Ishouldwork towards getting my full license as I already had my provisional. It would also give me more independence. I didn’t get many opportunities to ‘seize the day’ with Dexter driving me everywhere. I also knew he kept my father up to date on my whereabouts, like some type of spy. There was nothing worse than the staff grassing you up to your dad.

Wrapping my arms around myself, I walked to the patio doors which led out to my small balcony and stared across at that ostentatious vehicle. The main focal view from my room was of our long sweeping driveway, the stables and part of the garages. My father’s Range Rover Sport was also parked there and a couple of other cars used by the staff. The paintwork on the Bugattiglistenedlike a large blue thumb. I had only sat in it a handful of times and Mia had taken me out for a drive once, but that was it.

Pulling my gaze away from the driveway, I focused on the beauty of where we lived. My rooms were on the first floor and spread across one wing of thehouse. Due to my bedroom being in a full corner section of the mansion, I also had a partial view of the gardens and the horse paddock.

Lush grass rolled off well into the distance, giving a sense of freedom and space, but the house in the past had felt like a cage.Especiallyduring those first few months when I was returned to my father by the police.

You see, during my early teens, I had been a victim. I know that now.

My father’s now ex-business partner, Ray Coombs had a gambling addiction and he had borrowed money from some dodgy people. And I don’t mean loan sharks, we are talking about a cohort of gangsters. A group of individuals who may dress well and drive fancy cars, but who werenothingmore than a bunch of London thugs. Ray had used my father’s name as a guarantor without his knowledge so he could borrow ahugesum of cash.

When the shit had hit the fan and Ray couldn’t repay his debt, he attempted to embezzle money from one of my father’s companies. His efforts however had been picked up during an audit and Ray had been taken into custody for questioning.

Whilst Ray was nice and safe on the inside, those thugs I mentioned still didn’t have their money which is when they started to squeeze my father.

That’s where Alexander Harker came in. He was a ‘connected guy’ (an associate) who worked with said thugs as an enforcer; a man who did occasional jobs.

One of those jobs turned out to be me.

I had been taken as leverage to put pressure on my father to pay the eight hundred and sixty grand Ray owed the mob. I had been kidnapped from my home in the middle of the night and held for ransom.

As is the norm with access to significant amounts of cash, it took time for my father to draw down the money. No police were to be involved. The transaction was supposed to be a straightforward exchange, but that isn’t how it played out.

The bad guys got their cash, Daddy lost his money and, in the process—his daughter, me. Anonlychild.

Aftermonthsof holding me, Alexander, aka Zander, had decided he didn’t want to let me go and by that stage, I was in no hurry to return to my old,emptylife; one without my mother.

The connection between me and Zander had been unlike anything I hadeverexperienced. Scary at first, but as time passed that original captor / captive relationship changed to friendship and the bond continued to get stronger. Helistenedto me, likereallylistened. I’d felt important again and cherished, I was no longer seen and not heard.

Zandershoweredme with attention and affection to the point where I felt special and loved again. Something I hadn’t felt for years. I read that the human brain is wired to bond with people who look after them and so it wasn’t a surprise that we gelled so well. At first, he wasn’t abusive and harsh like you’d expect a kidnapper to be, he was kind and encouraging and I soon fell in love with him. Or thought I did.

The sexual side of things hadn’t happened straight away. It had been a gradual thing, anatural coming together, so he’d convinced me. Eventually, Zander and I becameobsessedwith each other. I hung on to every word he said and went to the moon and back to please him.

It was around that time that things changed;Zanderchanged. He became paranoid, possessive, and overly critical of anything I did. He stopped me from calling my father, something he allowed in the beginning so that I could tell my dad that I was safe and didn’twantto be found. And then Zander’spunishmentsbecame just that, the pleasure element to any pain was wiped away. It wasn’t usually a physical thing, it was more emotional, the way he would talk to me and put me down. Although there were a few instances where Zander had become overzealous with his belt. I still carried the marks to prove that. He’d been so sorry afterwards that I had forgiven him. Fool that I was.

I had blamed myself when things took a turn for the worse. If I had caused him to feel such anger then of course I was the one at fault. People didn’t just lose their temper for nothing; said no one ever.

When the authorities had caught up with him for running away with a minor, he’d been arrested for numerous other offences too. I didn’t know about them at the time, how could I? I had only known what Zander had wanted me to.

And now I saw the truth.EverythingI had been unknowingly forced to feel had been a lie.

So why did I still miss it? Thatinsanehigh I felt in the company of that one man who had been both my tormentorandmy saviour.

Because he had taken me during a phase of my life where I had been weak.

The loss of my mother hadsmashedaway that happy soul I used to be and I’d felt starved of affection. The proverbial poor little rich girl.

When Mum died, having spent a childhood surrounded by everything, I had felt nothing; just a strange numbness. I was fourteen when she passed. Old enough to understand death and yet I hadn’t. I couldn’t believe why something so beautiful could have beenrippedaway from the world.Just like that. It had just been so sudden and there hadn’t beenanytime to come to terms with it, to prepare.

I had felt so alone.

My father (in his own way) and our staff who were like a family, dideverythingthey could to help me grieve, but I felt like I was sleepwalking through the days.

When I had beensnatchedfrom that safe, sheltered cocoon, it was like life had suddenly been kickstarted again.I’d felt alive. Having to survive outside of my comfort zone had given me a purpose.

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