Page 42 of Troy

Settling down on the warm grass, I lean against his headstone.

“So, what should I do?” I speak quietly to myself, not sure if I will feel him, let alone get an answer. So, I sit with my face turned up to the sun and wait. It takes an hour before I feel him near me and I sense his smile as he sinks down next to me.

“Tesoro, I told you to go back to him. Do you really think I would have done that if I didn’t have every faith in both of you? I could easily have claimed you and kept you to myself.”

I’m surprised. “Was I that close?”

“You really were, but that man loves you as much I do and he is here for the whole journey. You have in him the man you will only ever need, want, or love again. So, I’m not going to tell you what to do; you know you are strong enough to make the right decision. Stop relying on me, caro, and rely on yourself. Look at the success you have made of your life. Do you really want to throw it all away because of one man’s hatred?”

“So, you’re saying I should go ahead with the trial? That I should let the country know what he did to me? I should trust others with my anonymity and my privacy? We fought so hard, Franco, to keep to ourselves and now I will be throwing myself open to any and every one. For them to have opinions of me that are unfair and unjust. I just want to live a quiet life with the man I love as much as I love you, not hide in the shadows again.”

“I’m saying, if you want to be able to shine and walk tall, with Rafferty’s hand holding yours, then, yes, you have to face the outside world as a grown man. And you must fight for your right to have all you want, and all you ever dreamed of having.”

“Fuck! I’m scared.” I close my eyes as Franco’s hand ghosts over mine.

“Of course, you are, amore mio, but that’s because you know it’s worth it, he’s worth it.” Franco turns to me with a sad smile on his lips, “I will always be here for you, Troy, but ask your man the questions first, before you run to me. He may already have the answers.”

I nod and wipe the sudden tears from my face. “Thank you, Franco; I love you.”

“As I do you, tesoro mio, but it’s not mine you need anymore. Go home, Troy, go home and be with Rafferty; he is worthy of you.” With a soft kiss, I’m left alone.

It’s a few more minutes before I can bring myself to stand up and even more before I can walk away. My fingers stroke over his name one more time before I turn my back. As I tread the path, I see an older lady looking at me compassionately. I frown when she walks towards me but she smiles.

“You are lucky to have been loved so much, but let him rest. Go live your life, tesoro.” Her hand pats the back of mine.

I gasp at her words, shocked. “How did you… what did you…?”

“Oh, sweetheart, I could see him all around you. Trust him, and trust yourself.” Her hand touches me one more time then she moves on.

What the fuck just happened? Franco’s words form a mantra the whole drive home and he is right. Stop being a dick, Troy, and man up. Pulling into the garage, I know he is home but I don’t know his mood.

Roaming the house, I search for him and find him the garden, lying on one of the loungers. His eyes closed, he pets the rough hair of his dog lying by his side. I can tell he hasn’t heard me approach, but Boss lifts his head when I reach him.

“Okay, Rafferty, I’m in. Let’s kick his ass.”

I watch Troy’s back disappear through the door to the garage then go seek out my brother as my life spirals out of control.

“That fucking man!” I storm into Corrigan’s room and find him performing his exercises. My mind calms when I see the full effect of his injuries, and the strength he possesses to work through them; he is so strong, mentally as well as physically. And, even though he is five years younger than I, he has a maturity that goes beyond his years.

“Which one? You seem to have an awful lot of them pissing you off today.” Corrigan holds back a smile.

“Deschamps! That’s fucking who! He is still managing to fuck up my life. He seems to be getting his own way and taking Troy away from me. I don’t know what to do, he’s gone out again and hasn’t told me where or when he’ll be back.”

“Raff, he asked you to give him time and space and now you need to actually do that. The sooner you do, the quicker he will be able to make sense of the havoc and chaos that has been dumped on him.” Corrie takes a breath and drops the weights he’s been lifting while I rant and glares at me. “He will come back to you, Raff, I’m sure of that. I’m not sure whether he will carry on with his prosecution and, whatever his decision is, you have to respect it, if you want to be with him.”

Raking my fingers through my hair, I knead the back of my neck. “Shit, I hate that you have a better grasp on this than I do.” I shake my head.

“It’s easy for me; I’m not the one in love with him. Your heart and your head are fighting each other, clouding your sense of reason. Stop thinking about yourself and beating our father down and think about Troy and what he feels.”

I nod and try to smile, which makes him laugh. “That’s feeble, bro. Go for a run, take the dog. Just do something to quieten down your brain and lower your anxiety. He loves you, Raff; that’s why it’s so hard for him. If he didn’t, he would have kicked your ass to the curb weeks ago.”

“Yeah, you’re right. You don’t need to look so damn smug about it, you dick.” I muss up his hair, knowing it will annoy him; he still has military blood coursing through his veins.

“Fuck off.” He laughs and neatens his short hair.

Taking his advice, I take the dog out for a run. We jump in my truck and head out to the dog park. It’s a relief to get out; Corrigan was right, I need to clear my head and, as I watch my giant of a hound run and gambol with the other, smaller dogs, I achieve a sense of calm. It’s almost like a decision has been made and it’s going to be okay. After another fifteen minutes, I retrieve my dog from the fray and smile at the other owners as they laugh at their pets.

Back home, I hose down Boss to cool him as the afternoon sun climbs higher. Lying down on the lounger, I give in to the heat and close my eyes. With the sun beats down on me, I feel myself relax as I conjure up a glimpse of Troy last night.

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