Page 11 of Troy

Walking into my bedroom was hard, I can really see myself with Raff but my head and heart are confused. I have been hanging on to Franco through every relationship I had since he died, since he left me alone and broken. Logan was the first man I thought I could move on with but it wasn’t quite right: lust ruled rather than love and, in the end, he knew I was never going to feel the same way he did. I had to let him go as I knew that, ultimately, I would hurt him and I’m sorry for that.

Why does this man feel so different? It was almost as instant as when I first set eyes on Franco, the only difference is we both seem weary, hesitant.

Ditching my clothes, I plod into the shower and lose myself in the heat of the pounding water. I can still see Raff stroking himself earlier and my dick twitches at the image in my mind. Reaching down, I clutch myself; long, slow strokes that pull deep in my core. As I harden further, I can see him leaning down as his mouth touches mine, the searing heat burns through my body as I lick my lips, still able to taste him. Moving faster, my orgasm builds rapidly, consuming me. My head clunks against the wall as my back arches and I come. Hot jets hit the wall as I keep working myself, until, spent, I lean back when my legs shake.

As my senses return to me, I quickly grab my body wash and soap myself, washing away the remains of my orgasm from the walls as I rinse off before turning off the water. Grabbing a towel from the shelf, I rub myself dry and snatch a pair of sleep shorts before clambering into bed.

Sleep comes slowly as I think—it’s difficult to know whether my heart and my head are correct this time and I really have found the right man for me, for forever? And now, after over three years, someone has made my heart flutter, what would Franco think? Dropping my head into the soft pillows, I close my eyes and picture Franco’s beautiful face, I know he is with me and that he is smiling. “Go for it, tesoro, with my love; go for it.”

Waking up to my alarm, I switch it off and ponder whether to go into work or to stay and get to know Rafferty McMahon better. I can’t find anything about his life before he went to college: there is no mention of a family or where he comes from—he sounds like he comes from the south, maybe Georgia or around that region—but nothing directs me to his earlier life.

I swing my legs out of bed and stand, swapping my shorts for a pair of cut-off, denim ones, forgoing a shirt as I know it’s going to be a hot day. Trudging downstairs to get the coffee on, I see the door to Raff’s room is still shut; I wonder if he’s okay. I guess I’ll see when he wakes up, he may regret what happened last night. I hope not, I don’t.

Leaning against the island in the kitchen, flashes of my dream come back to me; it’s not unusual for me to dream of Franco but they are usually painful and I wake distressed, aching for him to be back with me. But last night he didn’t turn and walk unhappily away from me, he was smiling and nodding his head. “Go for it, amore mio, with my blessing. Reach for your happiness, he’s within your grasp.” Reiterating my thoughts before I fell asleep.

My decision to go to work, rather than spend time with Raff, is a coward’s way out, I know, but I need to clear my head. I enjoyed kissing him too much last night and this can’t start becoming something. We have to work together and I need to know we can do that. It may be easy for Nico and for Ryan to tell me to go for it, my head and heart are fighting each other. Being alone with him today will be hard.

Arriving at the gym, I notice Nico’s car which makes sneaking in difficult—but not impossible—I simply need to head straight for my office and shut the door behind me. I manage to evade them for an hour but then Nico and Ryan march into my room.

“What’s up, guys? Where’s the fire?” I smile sweetly, knowing it will annoy them.

“What are you doing here?” Nico blurts out.

“Where’s your man?” Ryan speaks at the same time.

“I think he was still sleeping when I left. His door was shut, so I guess he was.” Leaning back in my chair, I clasp my hands behind my head.

“What? Why wasn’t he with you?” Nico looks horrified.

“Why would he be in my bed? Jeez, Nico, I just met the guy.” I shake my head, even though I wish he had been.

“I thought you two had a connection, he was definitely sending off some signals. I was sure you’d be together.” Nico frowns at me, shaking his head.

“Why have you left him home alone? Don’t you think that’s a bit unfair?” Ryan adds his disapproval.

“Look, I don’t see why I have to explain myself to you, so, please, leave me be.” The ringing of my cell phone interrupts and, looking at the screen, I see Raff’s name. Answering quickly, “I won’t be a sec, can you hold?” I glower at the two men standing in front of me. “Close the door on your way out.”

Nico turns, still scowling, and stomps out with Ryan on his tail, “I hope you sort this, Troy; this isn’t like you.” Ryan shakes his head and leaves, closing the door behind him.

I gaze down at my phone and suddenly feel bad, I shouldn’t have left. I put it to my ear and say, “Raff, I’m sorry about that. Actually, I’m sorry about a lot of things.” I let out a deep breath and wait for his answer.

“So, you left me a note and went to work? What’s that all about, Troy? Do you regret kissing me last night? I’m suddenly very confused.” Raff’s voice hurts my heart; I can hear so much sadness and bewilderment.

“Um, yeah. It panicked me and I was suddenly full of doubt. I don’t want to hurt you, Raff, but this is confusing me, too.” I know I’m not explaining things the right way and I hear him sigh in frustration.

“Don’t you think it would have been better to talk to me? I’m just as out of my depth as you are, Troy. I really wish you hadn’t done this; I’m stuck here, not knowing where I am, or where I should go and you simply walked out.” I can hear the lump Raff tries to swallow.

“Fuck! Raff, sweetheart, I’m on my way back.” I’m out of my office before I finish talking and race down the stairs.

Getting to my car, I call him back, “Raff, keep talking to me, I’m sorry; I’m so fucking sorry!”

“Okay, just get your ass back here, Ballantyne, we’ve got some shit to sort out.” Raff sounds stronger now.

I hit the road and the tires squeal as I spin out. I hear a chuckle down the phone.

“You’d better slow down; you’ll end up getting pulled over, baby.” Raff snickers.

“Hmm, you sound like you’ve got your mojo back, Rafferty. Were you playing me back there?” I’m trying to work out where we are going with this, and what he wants from me.

---