Page 8 of Quake

Thoughts of Tyler and our relationship start to flood in, unease settling into my chest with each passing thought. I’m realizing that much of our time together hasn’t been positive, and that’s only become more apparent over the last few months.

It feels like every day, we drift further and further apart.

But I love him, don’t I?

I mean, we’ve been together for years. He makes me feel… safe? Content?I’m not so sure anymore.

Maybe it’s the lack of intimacy. He never wants to just cuddle anymore, and as someone who deeply values physical touch as a love language, Iwantto be held without the expectation that it’ll lead to something else.

With Tyler, he always expects it to go beyond cuddling, and I just can’t deal with his disappointment. He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m fuckingexhausted.

I love what I do, but it’s draining, and the hours I’ve made for myself aren’t great. I have three new veterinarians who recently started, so there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Soon, I hope to be able to work three days a week and have the opportunity to see my friends more than just at our once-monthly book club.

Maybe if I actually made an effort to have sex, he’d be more than willing to just cuddle and relax together.Stop it.Sex isn’t going to fix our relationship, and if we’re at this point, maybe it’s time to start considering a different future for myself.

Besides, Tyler hasn’t satisfied me in years. He refuses to do anything other than missionary, and for someone who makes me feel like crap for “holding out on him,” he sure is a prude.

He’s never been open to a single position or kink I’ve wanted to explore. I’m not asking for anything totally out of left field, but justanythingother than missionary. Why can’t he seem to understand that our sex life is awfully freakingboring?

As if I weren’t already down a needlessly upsetting rabbit hole, my mind lands on the one person it has absolutely no business thinking about.

Itriedto ignore Gianni today, but my skin felt like it was on fire the entire time, prickling periodically as if I had some sixth sense to tell me when his eyes were on me.

I’ve done my best to repress the feelings flowing through my body since having his eyes on me again.

I rinse my body, a pang of desire shooting to my deprived clit as my hand gently glides over the sensitive skin. Maybe this is theanswer? It’s scientifically proven that masturbation is healthy and increases libido the more regularly you have an orgasm.

Hopefully, if I remind myself what it’s like to feel pleasure, I’ll actuallywantto have sex again. Besides, I deserve to come whenever and however I want, without guilt for not involving Tyler.

I brace my right hand against the tile wall, holding the shower head in my dominant hand and changing the setting to a thick stream instead of the more dispersed rainfall I use when rinsing my body. Leaning my forehead against the cool wall, I hold the stream directly over my clit, letting the pressure ease the ache in my core.

My thoughts drift to sex, but as I picture myself riding the thick, veiny dick I want inside me, my mind flashes with images of Gianni’s face as his body tenses.

My eyes burst open, a chill rippling through my body as guilt weaves its way inside my chest.

I take a deep, steadying breath, pushing the thought away, but when I close my eyes again, all I see ishim.

I picture Gianni going still as my body lights on fire, sparks of pleasure flying straight to my clit.

A moan creeps up my throat, and I cry out, heat rushing to my cheeks. I’m already too close to the orgasm I desperately need, and I can’t make myself stop.

The pressure is too much; my skin is on fire, but a chill quakes through me. My breasts ache to be touched, and my abdominal muscles clench tightly as I near my release.

My breathing becomes shallow, and I know I shouldn’t be picturing this man or his toned, tan arms, eyes I want to swim in, and rough, calloused hands wrapping around my throat.He has a girlfriend, and I’m taken.

The reminder does nothing to quell the storm brewing in my core. I’ve gone too far, and my orgasm has taken hold of me. It tears through me. My legs turn to jelly as I fight to keep my arm locked in position, holding pressure to my clit.

Blinding pleasure tingles down my limbs, spreading throughout me as I whimper, my throat feeling thick.

My back arches as I pant, coming back down from the high of the first satisfying orgasm I’ve had in what’s probably beenthree years.

A flush creeps across my cheeks, and I swallow thickly as embarrassment takes a firm hold of me. The haze has worn off, and I know Ishouldbe ashamed of who I was just picturing. Somehow, I can’t bring myself to regret it despite knowing how hypocritical I’m being.

1. Heart-Shaped Box – Nirvana

Chapter seven

Gianni

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