Page 11 of Resolving Rumors

We sat there in silence for a while as everything I’d just spewed out hung between us like a mile-high wall we couldn’t possibly get over.

“Do you think anyone who found out about me seeing you while you are still married to Justice would see it that way?”

“Why are you so worried about what everyone else thinks?”

“You mean besides the fact that if people found out I was running around with a married man, while his wife was pregnant, I would lose my job because of the damage it would do to the firm?” I asked.

“Fuck,” Devin hissed out as he sat back in his chair and stared at the plate of food that remained mostly untouched in front of me. “I think she set me up. Does that count for anything?”

I shook my head slowly. “Jordan gave me the same impression when we talked, but even if she set it up, you still fell for her trap and now we’re all ocean deep inside the consequences.”

“We were already dating in secret. Why can’t we continue to do that until I can convince Justice to sign annulment papers?”

“You think she’ll sign without giving you trouble?”

My heart broke as he shook his head and then hid his face behind his hands as he tried to somehow scrub away all the frustrating truths that made it impossible for us to be together.

“I can’t lose you, Vic.”

“No, you threw me away without even allowing me any consideration in the choices you made.”

“I swear to you, I did no such thing. She hit me with the pregnancy out of nowhere and how her parents were going to disown her, especially if they found out Brody was one of the potential baby daddies.”

“So, the only option you two had was to get married? You said before that the chances of the baby being yours is slim. Why not let her take her chances with Brody?”

“And if it turned out to be my kid? You really want me to explain to my kid one day how I hoped they didn’t exist and I failed to help their mom?”

“You know that’s not what I meant,” I argued.

“I get it, but you have to understand, Vic. If that is my kid, then I need to do whatever it takes to make sure he or she is okay.”

“You could have moved her in if you were worried, marriage was an unnecessary step and one too far for me to be able to move past.”

“You’re right about that. If I had given myself time to think clearly, I would have seen that too.”

I picked up my fork and poked at the breakfast that had grown cold on my plate. “I don’t know where that leaves us. The simple fact that it is possible she might be carrying your baby is…” I couldn’t even finish the sentence without choking up. “It’s fucking heartbreaking, Devin. You chased me. You made me fall in love with you. Then you pulled it all out from underneath me just when I was finally comfortable enough to say, ‘Let’s do this publicly,’ and that isn’t possible now.”

“I’m sorry, Vic. We can figure this out, if you’ll just give me time to…”

“Why?”

“Why what?” He asked as his eyes hooded over with worry.

“Why couldn’t you trust me the same way I put my faith in you for over two years, a year and a half where Justice was in the picture?”

“I don’t understand,” my former boyfriend said as he took hold of my hand.

“I trusted you on dates with her, in public, and even when you were in private spaces. I put my faith in YOU that we were too important for you to go there with someone else. Why couldn’t you do the same for me?”

Devin sighed and squeezed my hand once more. “I was afraid that you would see how good it is to be out with someone without having to hide from everyone.”

“Is that how you felt every time you were on a supposed fake date with Justice?” My stomach hurt from asking the question, so in all honesty, I wasn’t sure I could handle hearing his response. He gave it nonetheless.

“No. No, Vic. Not at all. I swear to you, every time I was out with her, all I wanted was for it to be you by my side. It was like having a second job, dating her. I was an unpaid actor in this crazy farce and being out with her was nothing more than having to put on a performance.”

“Then why would you think it was any different for me?”

“I don’t know. Justice was part of the problem. She came over and talked about how Brody was the love of her life and he was out with his wife and that their dynamic reminded her of us. She insisted that Brody would leave his wife for her one day and that the same thing would end up happening in our situation, only it would be one of us leaving the other because we were tired of having to live in the shadows.”

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