Page 264 of Vile Boys

I turn to look at the body lying in the bed, her skin gone pale gray. She looks like a shell of what was once a living, breathing human being. As if her soul has already vacated long ago, and all that’s left is a husk, eyes no longer reflecting any light.

I breathe out a ragged breath and grab her hand, sitting down on her bed, before I lean over to kiss her on the cheeks.

“I’ll miss you, Mom. I hope you’re able to dance up there.”

My father hugs me from behind, and I place my hand on his, the severed connection between us renewed.

I turn my head and look into his tearstained red eyes.

“She’s gone,” he murmurs.

“This is what you wanted, right?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “No.”

“You’ve already replaced her!” I yell, my frustrations finally out in the open, and it makes his eyes widen.

“I … Is that how you see my relationship with Crystal’s mother?”

“Don’t pretend it isn’t true,” I say. “You were still married to Mom, and then you decided to abandon her.”

His brows furrow as pain strikes his face. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Caleb. Even though your mother isn’t, I’m still here. I always will be with you. I won’t abandon you, no matter how much you hate me. I will—”

I fall into his arms and hold him so tightly I can’t breathe.

“I have never wanted you to feel like I was replacing her. I wasjust trying to stop the wound in my heart from growing,” he mutters. “I’m sorry, Caleb. I’m sorry.”

He hugs me just as tightly, refusing to let me go when I try, and it moves me.

“I love you,” he says. “I fucking love you, Caleb. I mean it. With every inch of my soul.”

And it breaks me.

Tears roll down my cheeks as I bury my face in his shoulders and let out all of the grief and rage I’d been holding on to until nothing but a vapid shell was left of me, just like my mother.

BLAINE

The funeral is the day after Caleb’s mother died. He and his father collectively agreed to have it done quickly so she wouldn’t have to stay another day on this earth. Something about her soul having already left this place.

If it were up to me, I’d want people to burn my corpse on a pyre and have a dance with some drinks. Make it a big-ass party. All the doom and gloom really isn’t for me.

I languish in this black suit.

But today isn’t about me, so I won’t pity myself.

After all, it’s Caleb and his father who are experiencing the biggest hurt.

They throw flowers on top of the casket as it’s hoisted down into the hole they dug. Everyone around us is weeping and holding hands.

Crystal’s mom grabs Caleb’s dad’s hand, but he jerks away and turns to his son, and she steps away, out of sight.

I sigh and grab Crystal’s hand instead, squeezing it so she’ll know I’m here while Ares holds the other. If Caleb needs us, we’re here for him, but until then, we’ll stand on the sidelines, waiting.

Crystal

Ares,Blaine, and I sit at a table, eating badly made sandwiches that taste like cardboard. I’m not that hungry, but eating food helps digest grief, they say.

I place my sandwich down and sigh.

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