Page 22 of The Holiday Disaster

I bit my bottom lip, summoning the courage to go down on him. It was only proper I gave a bj in return, right? But I’d never even been this close to another person’s dick before, and I didn’t feel ready.

“I don’t know what to do. It’s my first time.” I glanced up to find Kingsley watching me and gave him a slight pout.

He chuckled and pulled me in for another languid kiss. “Hey, I don’t expect you to do anything you don’t want to. I just want your hands on me.”

That I could do. I gave his base a tentative stroke. “That’s it. Use a bit more pressure,” Kingsley instructed. I listened and used more force, stroking him the way I would usually stroke myself.

I used my other hand to play with the head as I continued to give him slow strokes before moving down to fondle his balls. He let out a low moan that sounded like music to my ears, and his half-lidded expression as he watched me sent tingles all throughout my body.

I wanted this to last forever, but I also wanted to stir him up until he went crazy and exploded underneath my touch.

“I’m so close. Tug my balls, babe,” Kingsley said, his breath coming out in huffs. My desire to prolong this battled with the urge to see him come apart. The latter won out when the word “babe” reached my ears. He’d get me to do whatever the hell he wanted if he kept calling me that.

I stroked faster, my thumb occasionally swiping over his tip, and I used my other hand to gently tug his balls as he requested. My hands worked hard and fast, but my eyes stayed on his face, carefully observing so that I didn’t miss a single of his micro expressions. They went from pleasure to wonder to a softness that I couldn’t comprehend but wanted to see more of.

When he gasped out his release, his eyes rolled back in an explosion of bliss. I watched his beautiful face come apart from the orgasm that I gave him. The butterflies danced in my stomach at the scene. And when he opened his eyes again, his pupils so blown they covered his blue irises, he shot me a blissed out smile that had me falling.

He pulled me forward and smashed our mouths together as he devoured my lips with as much hunger as I’d felt. But the bitter taste on his tongue matched the same bittersweet feeling in my heart.

I had thought I could have a taste and go back to secretly crushing on him from afar, but I’d gotten greedy. Experiencing his warmth and kindness first-handedly had become my undoing, and I didn’t want to go back to the way it was before.

I had fallen so hard for this man that the only option was to continue drowning in him and pray that he provided me with his sweet kisses that filled me with life again.

FIFTEEN

KINGSLEY

Each of Ethan’s kisses brought on a new understanding of my past relationships. It was one thing to feel possessive over him when that feeling never emerged with my exes, but the fact that I felt more emotion with a simple handjob from him than full-on intercourse with anyone else spoke volumes.

When I told Ethan I drifted through life, I’d meant in aspects related to my future, my career. But as I held him in my arms, feeling like everything wasrightfor the first time, I knew I was drifting in my love life as well.

I’d dated numerous beautiful and intelligent men and women. I accepted anyone that made a move on me hoping that something would last, but they never did. The only thing that kept the relationship together was the novelty of it, and that would always fizzle out within months.

Maybe it was the same with Ethan, but something in my gut told me it wasn’t. I’d always been drawn to him for reasons I’d never been able to figure out. But as I held him close and placed soft kisses into his hair, the fullness inside of me told me that perhaps my brain was finally being clued in on what my heart had known all along.

“So we’re using ‘babe’ now?” Ethan said as he propped himself on his elbows to look at me.

“I know it’s cheesy—”

“I like it,” he cut me off. The smile that stretched across my face at his words quickly froze as he continued. “I just have to make sure I don’t get used to it when things end.”

“What do you mean?” I asked as I searched his eyes for answers, hoping that I’d heard wrong.

“You know, when we get home and things go back to normal,” he said as he broke my gaze and turned away from me. “I’m gonna go shower.” Ethan hopped off the bed without a glance back and shut himself in the bathroom. The shower started a few seconds later, but I was still frozen in place.

When things go back to normal.

Ethan intended for this to be a fling. He wanted this to end, and that rejection hurt more than all his other rejections over the years combined.

I couldn’t blame him since he was still young and this was the time for him to explore himself. It would be hypocritical of me to fault him for that since I’d spent a majority of last year changing partners every month. But that didn’t mean I wanted Ethan to do the same. My gut turned at the thought of him in the arms of another man, of him shooting his bright smile at someone other than me.

The fullness from moments ago seeped away as the emptiness I’d gotten used to returned. Maybe I should let him go and take this experience as a good memory and call it one and done?

When my eyes caught on my boxers thrown to one side of the bed, still covered in the evidence of my pleasure that I’d wiped off of Ethan’s hands, the gentle eyes he had as he watched me come apart flashed through my mind. I refused to believe that he would use that expression with a fling.

A more likely explanation was that he was going back to his habit of pushing me away again due to fear, which was understandable since we’d never talked about the relationship between us, and my previous track record left much to be desired. Perhaps I was being overconfident in myself in thinking that he liked me even if only a little, but I wasn’t giving up until he told me no.

One thing for sure was that I wasn’t going to let the only thing that actually felt real slip through my fingers.

---