Page 86 of Dizzy

Ugh.

My stomach aches.

Muffled voices filter in from the driveway.

I dash upstairs to the master bedroom, tug open the top dresser drawer, and dig through the jewelry. I’d thought it was all plastic and beads. I force my shaking hands to steady and go through it piece by piece. There. At the bottom, tangled in a beaded necklace. A thin gold band, sized for a woman.

A car door slams. I don’t have time to unknot the necklace. I dash to the closet and shove it into my backpack stash just as the front door slams.

“Fay-Lee?”

Shit. I can’t deal with this right now. I peel off my crop top and panties as I shout, “I’m taking a shower!”

I scoot to the bathroom, turn the knob and hop right in, shivering as the water blasts freezing cold from the showerhead. It heats quickly enough, but my teeth are already chattering. I cuddle my arms to my breasts, my brain whirling.

Sharon’s a bitch.

Maybe she’s jealous. There’s a kind of woman who doesn’t want a man anymore, but also doesn’t want anyone else to have him, either. Or maybe she doesn’t want to compete with anyone for his cash. Or she could just look at me and think I’m trash. It happened all the time back in Dalton.

Everybody thought the Parsons house was pretty much a brothel, and that made me a whore, regardless of the fact everyone knew I worked at the Gas-and-Go and was broke as shit.

Maybe Sharon doesn’t want me around her kids, although she didn’t seem worried about them.

It doesn’t really matter. Sharon sucks—that’s a given—but is she right?

Is Dizzy waiting for her to come back?

For Christ’s sake, Fay-Lee. I slap the side of my head. He’s kept the house like a shrine to her, and her wedding ring is still in the drawer.

I’m not this stupid. If this were Dee or Keira, I’d be rollin’ my eyes so hard, they’d pop from my head.

I’m a house mouse.Free pussy.

He’s even talked about when I figure out what I want to do with myself and head off to live my life. Yeah, he talks sweet about how I’m his woman, and he wants me to stay as long as I want. I swallowed it hook, line, and sinker, too, didn’t I? I let him do whatever he wanted to me. I bent over for it.

I’m so stupid. And I should know better.

Brian Foster called Dee his fiancée formonths, but he never left his wife for her. That guy Darren had a whole story about a house he was gonna buy for Keira in North Carolina and a job his cousin was gonna get her. Keira didn’t get the job or the house, but she got another baby.

This isexactlywhat it looks like.

I’m trading sex for room and board. I’m a whore.

I angle my head so the hot water burns my scalp and sets my ass on fire.

I’m not saying it’s something I swore I’d never do. I guess I just figured that I’d realize what I was doing when I did it.

I rub my chest. It aches. And I want to puke.

There’s a knock on the door.

“Fay-Lee?”

I ignore him. The shower’s on. Let him think that I can’t hear him.

What do I do?

I hock the ring. Go back to Plan A. New York City.

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