Page 32 of Forty

“Nope.” The prospect snickers. “Heard it, though. You wanna ride standing on the pegs, I got no problem with that.”

Sad patchy-bearded, barely-pubescent, chicken-legged smartass.

“I’m not riding anywhere with you.” I take off around the building. I hate this feeling. I hate all of these feelings.

He has to trot to catch up with me. “Forty said.”

“Unlike you, Forty doesn’t tell me what to do.”

“You better.”

I stop in my tracks and look the little shit in the eye. “Ineverdo what I better. Fuck your ride, fuck you, and when you see him, tell Forty Nowicki I let a hundred men fuck me when we were together.”

The little shit has nothing to say to that.

“In the ass.”

I take off again. “And I loved it,” I throw over my shoulder.

You know what? If I’ve got a Scarlet A, I’m gonna wear the hell out of it.

* * *

I staymad for almost six hours.

That’s how my brain works. Sleep is an automatic reset. I could feel any sort of way the night before, but in the morning, I’m base model Nevaeh. Ready for action right after coffee.

I figure Forty will drop by. Or call. Or text. Last night was intense. I know what he said, but how is he going to stay away? There’s no way he didn’t feel that. It was like two pieces sliding together and going clink.

I wait around the house for him all day. Not a peep. He’s probably being stubborn.

The next morning, I call Shirlene first thing, and we go out and work on Ray’s house. I figure when Forty drops by, it’ll serve him right that I’m not there. Lou’s home all day. No Forty.

Screw him.

The next day, Shirlene takes me to visit Mona Wall. She has two little ones under two. She brought the newest one home a month ago, and this lady issleep deprived. Crazy happy, and very sweet, but she has a congealed gob of what looks like Velveeta cheese in her hair—in her bangs—and she’s run her hand through it several times and not noticed.

We watch Hope and baby Trip while Mona takes a nap. Trip sleeps on Shirlene’s stomach while Hope and I play “what is this, what can we stick it in, and what sound does it make when we knock it over.”

I know Forty will be there when I get home. Or he’ll have left a note. Or called Lou and asked for my number.

Nope. And nope. And nope.

The next day, I take a break from home healthcare. That’s what Shirlene calls our rounds. She’s talking to me about the classes I need to take to make it all legit. I could do them at the community college, and it would only take a few months.

I like the idea, but on days like today, it’s hard to see that far ahead. I can’t pull myself together. I fill the tub with scrubbing bubbles, let it set for a few minutes to soak in, and forget about it until after lunch. Pretty much the same thing with the laundry and the dishwasher.

By early evening, I give up. I get my ear buds, I give the tub one more rinse, and then I fill it to the top with the hottest water I can tolerate. I never took baths when I lived here before, but I got addicted after I left town.

I exfoliate with a loofah until I’m bright pink. Then I let my eyes drift shut. My brain flips through memories and thoughts like one of those old slide projectors. Forty spanking my ass red. It was still rosy that night when I checked it in the mirror. No distinct hand prints, but an overall glow. I stared for twenty minutes.

Does this mean I’m kinky? I don’t want anyone else to spank me.

I guess I’m kinky for Forty Nowicki?

Why is he staying away? I saw his eyes at the end when he was dusting me off. Theyrecognizedme. It’s so hard to describe. Yesterday at Mona Wall’s house, baby Trip was gumming Shirlene’s finger when his mama rejoined us from her snooze. Trip looked immediately at Mona, and there was that look in his eyes.It’s you. The one who belongs to me. Hi. You’re back.

Forty had that look when he came over the other night, too. Our mouths were moving, and we were spouting our stupid, angsty bull crap, but I swear I could read his eyes.Hey. There you are.

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