Page 7 of Wall

Imissthe family I almost had.

And I miss John.

I told him to get out, and he did. Didn’t even try to explain himself. I packed all his stuff, every last thing down to his half-used bar of Zest and the box of high school trophies in the attic. I put it on the front porch, he came and got it, and then he was gone.

He never argued, never begged me to take him back. I guess he took his out.

I miss him, though, and late at night or when I’ve had a glass of wine too many, I wish I’d kept something. A shirt or a baseball cap. I could burn it in a bonfire. Make a fresh start.

Or so I could let myself be weak, just for a moment, and remind myself of how he smells.

Crap. Now I’m crying. I’m a weeper, always have been. I’m a sad crier, an angry crier, a sympathetic crier. I cry at movies, sunsets, songs on the radio. That’s me. My parents were forever telling me to pull myself together. Never have been able to.

I help myself to a tissue. “Okay, Miss Janice. I’ll get your ring for you.”

“Promise.” Her round, wrinkled face is fiercer than I’ve ever seen it.

“I promise.”

“Number Five, Constantine Court. In the piano-shaped jewelry box on my bureau. There’s a key under the ceramic frog in the flowerbed out front.”

“I’ll probably just ring the doorbell.”

“All right. Suit yourself. And thank you, Cecily. You always were a good girl.”

“You’re welcome.” I don’t know who Cecily is, but if I get arrested rooting under a ceramic frog in Miss Janice’s front lawn, that’s the name I’m giving the police.

I say goodnight and head out for the evening. I think about dropping by Constantine Court and getting it out of the way, but the snow’s picked up. I don’t want to be out after dark. I drive home extra carefully; my car’s not the best in bad weather.

When I get there, I’m stoked to see a kid shoveling my sidewalk. The local high school gives credit for community service.

I give the kid a wave as I pull into my drive. “Thanks!”

He looks old. Must be a senior.

Tomorrow, on my day off, I’ll go on my fool’s errand. Tonight, I’m going to curl up with my study guide and a hard seltzer. It’s been a long week.

As I toe off my shoes and wander into the kitchen, I pull up my Friday night playlist on my phone. I blast country music from the 90s, my favorite, and then I turn on the TV in the family room. I can’t stand being alone in a quiet house.

Lorraine, from work, thinks I should get a dog. I love dogs. We had a mutt named Gerard growing up, and until my parents noticed, he’d sleep in bed with me. He had the best terrible doggie breath.

A dog would be good company, but…I have bad dreams. I’d freak a dog out. And I’d never forgive myself if I kicked him coming out of a nightmare.

So, I think maybe it’s better to stick with just myself. Keep busy. If I get bored, there’s always something to do around the house.

It’s enough.

CHAPTER 2

WALL

“Where you goin’?” Heavy pops his head out of his office and stops me on my way out the back. I’m zipping up my camo bibs. “You goin’ huntin’?”

“Ain’t no deer in those woods.” The Steel Bones clubhouse abuts a hundred-acre parcel of undeveloped land, but there’s too many dirt bikers, and it’s too late in the season for bucks.

“What you doin’ then?”

I shrug on my parka. “Deb says there’s a stray dog.”

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