Page 61 of Wall

I stare up at the exposed rafters of the clubhouse. “We lost three, uh, pregnancies. When John and I were together.”

“Did they know why?”

“Nope. The doctor talked about the statistics the first time. And the second time, he said we were young. It wasn’t time to worry yet. The third time he talked about going to a fertility doctor and doing some tests. But we never did that.”

I don’t know why I’m telling her this. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about it with anyone. John knew. I didn’t need to talk to him about it. He was there with me at every appointment, every step of the way. And my parents sure didn’t want to hear about it.

Harper rests her forehead against mine. “Hobs has traumatic brain injury. I left for law school, and he got T.B.I. from a baseball bat. I was a shitty mother.”

“I feel like that. I feel like I did something wrong, and I don’t know what it was, so I can’t stop doing it.”

“It’s the worst feeling in the world.”

“Yeah.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Everyone says that.”

“Doesn’t make a difference.”

“Not at all.”

“I like you, Mona Wall. Even though your breath smells like puke.”

“You’re not as bad as they say you are, Harper Ruth.”

She cracks up. “Yes, I am! Don’t mess with my reputation, chickadee! I worked hard for it!”

“Is there mouthwash anywhere around here?”

“Yes. I’ll take you to brush your teeth, and then I’ll take you to your man. He’s in the basement.”

“You know where he is?” My gut swishes.

“He’s where he always is. In the basement, lifting weights. Did you try to call him? He didn’t answer?”

I nod.

“Yeah, reception is spotty down there.”

I feel stupid. And relieved until I remember the spotting.

“Come on,” Harper stands, grabbing my hand. “I’ll show you to the bathroom the old ladies use. Much less likelihood that Creech is getting his knob polished in there.”

“I’m an old lady?” Despite it all, the corners of my mouth creep up.

“Seems so.”

Walking with Harper Ruth is like walking with a celebrity or a very dangerous animal. The women literally scurry out of her way. The men let her pass, but they follow her with their eyes. She’s fearless. Totally unperturbed by it all. And it isa lot. The bathroom is by the back exit, and there’s a fight going on in the yard, bare knuckles, and they’re taking bets.

Most women I see now are topless. Even Deb. Good for her. She’s got pretty perky boobs for a middle-aged woman.

If I knew what “wild” meant, John and I would have talked for a much, much longer time.

After the bathroom, Harper leads me to the stairs running to the basement of the modern annex. I avoided the toilet, and I’ve pulled myself together.

“You feeling better?” she asks.

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