Page 44 of Wall

My gaze flashes to Hayley. She shrugs and turns back to her table.

And my brain starts buzzing, thoughts whirling around.

John waits, patient.

“Why did you ask me out?”

He lifts a shoulder. “Tryin’ to get back with you.” My stomach drops, but why am I surprised?

“You want to get back together?” I’m playing for time so my brain can wrap itself around…all of this.

“Yes, Mona—” The waiter swings by with our drinks, and so we fall silent, awkwardly, while he sets down a beer for John and a glass of wine for me.

As soon as he sails off, John continues, “I want back in my house. I want back in my bed. I want back in my wife.” He leans forward, his brown eyes darkening.

I know this look. He wants me. And I’m working myself up about some drunk lady, and sex positions, letting jealousy and pettiness get to me.

That’s all noise.

It comes down to whether I believe this.

Do I believehim?

Because if I do, if he wants me now, and he never stopped wanting me…Then what went wrong between us wasn’t because of another woman, prettier than me, happier than me. It wasn’t only because John was weak in the moment. It wasn’t because he wanted out.

The realization is huge and terrible, that he set us on fire, and I fed the flame.

But there’s also a small lightness swelling in my heart. And the urge to keep talking. To test this honesty.

“Were you bored with sex with me?”

He blinks, but he keeps up. “No. But I missed it.”

“Did you wish I was more adventurous?”

“Yeah.”

Ouch. I breathe through it. Take a long sip of Pinot.

“I don’t know. Maybe ‘adventurous’ ain’t the word. We was tryin’ to make a baby. It was different, you know? I mean, we fucked a lot, and you was always in the mood, and that was great, don’t get me wrong. But I missed how it was before.”

“How was it before?”

He flashes me a lazy smile. “Fuckin’ awesome.”

I shift in my seat. A gush of wet heat tickles between my legs. I cross my arms to hide my nipples. I should have worn a cami under this sweater. “Yeah?”

“You know. You was there.”

“What made it awesome?”

John raises his beer to his lips. His eyes are twinkling. I swear—his chest is puffed out. “You did.”

I roll my eyes.

“I’m a big man.” He pauses, sets his beer down gently on the table. “But I never felt as big as when you were naked under me, lookin’ up with those beautiful brown eyes, legs spread, bitin’ your lower lip to stop the squeal when I tried to get into your tight pussy. Damn, you were always slick as hell, but it was still a trick to get inside.”

My mouth’s wide open, catching flies.

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