Page 32 of Putting Down Roots

“You okay?”

“It’s nothing.” It looks sore, and blood is beading along the scratch. I catch his hand and gently raise his thumb to my mouth, cleaning the blood with my tongue. I give it a tender suck and then kiss the scratch. When I look at him, he’s gazing at me like I’ve performed some sort of miracle, but there’s also a sadness behind his eyes. A sadness which I know runs decades deep and can’t be erased with a few gentle kisses—but it’s a good place to start.

I place my fingers under his jaw, raising his chin slightly, and bend to kiss him.

“I’ve never had anyone take such care of me before,” his voice rasps, like a tree in an autumn breeze.

“Well, now you have me.” I touch my forehead to his, wishing I could wipe away all the hurt he’s suffered. I know he isn’t ready to let me in enough to learn his secrets. That’s for him to work out himself.

It takes a few moments before he lets out a deep breath and withdraws his head from mine, but the sadness is still there.

“Thank you.” He smiles weakly. “I’m sorry, those two words don’t seem enough.”

“They are enough. You are enough.” I draw him into a hug because, well, apparently he thinks I’m good at those—and I sure need one.

CHAPTER 27

Luca

Once again,I’m feeling raw and emotional after being with Jackson. His unconditional acceptance of me is unsettling, even though he doesn’t know the truth—maybebecausehe doesn’t know it. I know I’m not worthy of his care, his affection.Is it even more? I don’t know what that would feel like.I’ve never had the opportunity.

I’m scared that if he knows the truth, he’ll no longer want me. I want to tell him—to be blanketed by his trust. But this thing between us feels too fragile, too precious right now, and I don’t want to crack it.

Because he doesn’t shy away from my emotions, I see myself reflected back, and that makes me feel exposed. But it means I can’t hide. I can’t bury it deep and try to ignore it, living like a ghost. I’ve lived as a shadow most of my life and Jackson is so solid, so real, that he makes me feel that too, even if I have to live with the dark parts of myself.

It makes me feel jumpy, like all my senses are heightened, all my nerves are on edge. As usual, I can’t hide anything from Anna.

“You’re going to have to tell him,” she admonishes me. She’s the only one who knows the whole truth. I still marvel that she sticks around, but she’s told me she likes charity cases. From anyone else I’d be offended, but if Anna is spikily teasing, it shows she cares—a lot.

“I can’t. What if he no longer wants me?”

“Give the guy some credit. He’s not stupid. He knows there’s something, he can see it in you.”

But I can’t. Even the thought of it is enough to raise my anxiety levels. Anna shoots me a look when she hears my breathing hitch. She crosses the room and places a hand on my back.

“Hey, breathe. Okay, if it’s that bad, don’t tell him, but I don’t want to have to come back and mend your broken heart because he got fed up waiting for you. He deserves the truth.”

“He deserves a whole person.”

Her smile is sad.

“You are a whole person Luca. Never try to be something other than who you are—life doesn’t work like that. Never think you’re less of a person. You are the sum of your experiences, but you don’t have to be dominated by them. Be yourself. I bet my career that Jackson will still want that person.”

CHAPTER 28

Luca

I’m workingin the dining room, ticking off a few things on the to-do lists and adding a few others, when Jackson appears in the doorway.

“Hey.” He says with a lighthearted smile. I get that he wants to keep it lighthearted—I do too. I’m still feeling what he said earlier, the conversation with Anna is still in my head, and the heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach won’t go away.

“Hey,” I reply. Even after a hard day’s work, this guy can still look gorgeous.

He looks back out into the hall and then back at me.

“Where’s Anna?”

“She said she wanted to make her last evening here special, so she’s gone shopping.” And probably to make sure I had some groceries in the house—though knowing Anna, it’s more for Jackson’s benefit than mine.

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