I dropped my bags on the tiled floor of the entryway and stood there, a combination of frozen fear and overwhelming sadness.You can do this. You’re not a little girl anymore. It’s only a few days.
My chin tipped up, and I took the stairs to my right, heading straight for my bedroom. I needed a shower, a hot cup of tea, and a plan. Being in this house reminded me of one thing—theMalones were my family. I just hoped they didn’t grow to hate me.
five
Isnuggled deeper into my pillow, willing the beams of sunlight to be swept behind a cloud. Yesterday had been rough, and I wasn’t ready to face the day, but the thing about living in Florida was the sun shone seven days of the week regardless of how shitty you felt inside.
Footsteps sounded outside my room, followed by the creaking of wooden stairs. I listened as they moved to the kitchen, a familiar sound. Soft voices, one male and one female, floated from under my slightly cracked door.
“Mom,” I whispered, recognizing her sultry laugh.
I knew their routine; it was the same each morning regardless if it was a weekday or weekend. My mom sipped coffee and nibbled on granola as she poured a cup for my dad. He’d eat his bowl of Raisin Bran, guzzling his coffee like it was a caffeine drip, while he listened to the daily news.
The urge to run downstairs overwhelmed me. I dug my fingers into the bed, knowing no one was down there. Dad wasn’t home. And Mom... She wasn’t there either. Squeezing my eyes shut, I took a deep breath followed by another until the memory was gone, washed away like the morning tide.
Pain fractured in my chest, splintering until my limbs felt heavy, pinning me to the bed. I wanted nothing more than to pull the covers over my head and sleep the day away. But even in sleep, it didn’t always take away the hurt, the shame, or the regret. Those would be with me always, regardless of where I was.
I exhaled, relaxing my fingers one by one, and stared at the white ceiling. It had been weeks since I’d an “episode” as I termed them. Those muddied moments where I forgot what had happened, where I had real-like dreams of my life before, or, the worst, when I heard her talking to me.
Being with the Malones had helped chase away the episodes or, at the very least, reduced the frequency.
Now I was back home, and so was my past, the one that haunted me every second of every day.
I felt a headache poking at my temples when my phone buzzed on the bed beside me, and I groaned.Ignore it, that little voice inside me said. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, but the person texting me didn’t seem to give a shit about what I wanted.
It buzzed again.
Swearing, I reached across the bed and unlocked the home screen to see three missed texts from Preston. In the last one he wrote:Ev, if you don’t answer me, I’m coming over.
Uh, hell no.
I owed Preston an explanation for my odd behavior yesterday, but why did it have to be so goddamn early in the morning? One of Preston’s flaws. He was an early riser. Where I, like Tristan, preferred to sleep in.
My teeth ground together at the thought of Tristan and I sharing any sort of habits. I couldn’t believe I had crushed on him for like ever. So much for being a good judge of character. I had been warned and had always known he was trouble, but trouble in my mind didn’t always mean bad.
Except in Tristan’s case.
I thought what hurt the most was I’d been under some delusion I understood Tristan, who he was, and why he acted the way he did, but last night blew that shit out of the water.
Before Preston could make good on his threat and show up at my house, I sent him a text.
Just woke up. We need to talk. I’ll come over in an hour.
Hopefully, that would give me enough time to get my crap figured out.
I’d spent the majority of yesterday gorging on pizza and texting Sam, but now that the sun was up glaring its sunshine in my eyes, I had to face my life.
“Fuck,” I groaned, raking a hand through my mop of messy hair.
So much for having a clearer head after sleeping on Tristan’s ultimatum. If anything, I was as confused as ever. I did have to admit getting out of my house was appealing. The silence suffocated me.
Wednesday couldn’t come soon enough. Classes didn’t start until the following week, but I was moving into my dorm on Wednesday, meaning I only had to survive living in this house for a few more days.
Throwing the sheets to the side, I padded to the bathroom in nothing but a tee to brush my teeth. One look in the mirror, and I knew it would take more than deodorant, a spray of perfume, and a hairbrush to make myself look human. Nothing short of a miracle would do that.
While I scrubbed my teeth, I contemplated my options. Neither was ideal. Preston had been a part of my life for so long. He’d been there when no one else had. I wasn’t sure I knew howto live my life without him in it, and if I did this, if I ended our relationship, I wasn’t positive we could be friends.
What would I say to him?